Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation, BDSM tips and tricks, inside the world of distance domination and phone sex. We are your hosts: Experienced Mistress Olivia and Beg for Mistress Delia.
You can listen to this chastity adult podcast here on the blog or on Cock Radio on Spreaker. If you want to read it, here is the text version clarified for your reading pleasure.
The Femdom Guide to Male Chastity
Ms Olivia: We did a 2 Mistress call this week and this sweet guy said something that absolutely blew me away. He said, reading your blogs and all of the mistress blogs in the LDW phone sex universe, he got the impression that people had to be in chastity for months and months. Were you kind of surprised that he said that?
Ms Delia: I really, really was. I do a lot of different kinds of chastity, so just that surprised me someone would assume it had to be for a long time. It also made me want to talk about it.
Ms Olivia: Do you think our blogs tend to focus on things like longer chastity or more extreme play because it’s somehow easier to communicate on the blog if it’s out of the norm?
Ms Delia: I think that might be a part of it. Someone who does chastity for one day and that’s a big deal for them sometimes is not as exciting as someone who just completed a year.
Ms Olivia: That’s exactly true. Right? I would click on a blog post on your blog: BegForMistress.com if the headline said, he was in chastity for an entire year and he just got out.
Whereas, if I did a blog post on my blog: ExperiencedMistress.com that said he was in chastity for 24 hours and now he’s out; it doesn’t have the same type of zing.
Mental side of being in chastity
Ms Delia: Right. But you know, the truth about that is, is the person who just completed the year and the person who just completed one day, they’ve gone through exactly the same things.
Ms Olivia: That’s really the key to chastity. (No pun intended.)
Ms Delia: Chastity is physical. Obviously you’re locked away in a cage, but there’s also a psychological part to chastity. You have to get through the phase of: I want to touch, I can’t touch but I want to, but I can’t. It’s kind of a loop.
For some people, I think the mental part of it can almost be tougher than the physical. A man in chastity goes through all of those struggles. For some people just doing that for one day is huge! Maybe they compulsively touch all the time and one day is huge as opposed to someone who is very comfortable being denied who can last a full year. It’s all relative to each person.
Ms Olivia: I think of chastity, not unlike working out. For example, you’re a marathon runner. I remember when you started training for your first marathon, you were like, okay, I’m doing X miles today and then I’m supposed to do X miles next week and then X more miles.
A lot of your physical training really was mental. It was wrapping your head around, I’m gonna do a whole lot of miles.
Ms Delia: Oh, absolutely. And then there were just some days where I didn’t want to get up at five in the morning to go do an eight or 10 mile run.
The psychological piece of it is similar to chastity training. You play that head game.
Ms Olivia: Some people really enjoy that head game. It’s a challenge. It is, perhaps, the ultimate challenge for a man. You are giving up the very thing that makes you a man: your cock. You are giving that over to a woman who becomes your key holder or your chastity Mistress. When you give that up, wow. You are not doing a small thing no matter the amount of time.
Ms Delia: Oh, I agree. It takes something inside you. Something like will power or some really strong desire to serve your Mistress. It takes a lot to be able to do that.
Are you ready to be locked in a male chastity cage?
Ms Olivia: Have you ever had someone who thought that they wanted to be in chastity and thought that they wanted to do that level of submission and that level of service to a Mistress and then got into it and decided, “Oh hell no, I don’t want to do this! I want my dick out.”
Ms Delia: You know, maybe, maybe someone has that. But in my experience, I deal with a lot of people who are curious about chastity and see the value in chastity. So my experiences with them are more that they, they, even if they mess up, it’s not that they want their dick out necessarily.
And you know, with this person that we did the two Mistress call with, he had a lot of struggles with staying in chastity and kind of feeling disappointed with himself. So it’s just a trick of finding what works for each person.
Someone might not like long term chastity, but can do chastity successfully for a few days, a week, 24 hours, a shorter term, kind of lock up for them. It’s all about finding what makes people feel successful and submissive and like they are serving their Mistress well when they are in chastity.
Managing Expectations as the Chastity Keyholder
Ms Olivia: I really want to highlight that because that was the thing that kind of made us go, oh no, that’s not what we want at all. As you said, he, he felt like he was messing up and the role of a Mistress is to challenge her submissive. The Woman in Charge will create challenges and maybe the submissive messes up and gets punished, but it’s playful or even if it’s strict, but at some level the submissive has to be able to win. That win is whatever is defined as winning in the BDSM or kink relationship. The submissive has to be able to win because otherwise it just feels hopeless in a non good kinky way. Does that make any sense?
Ms Delia: That makes so much sense. And I really think that hopeless feeling when you see that in someone like we saw on our two mistress call, you know that’s what you work to correct. And I think we did that successfully.
Ms Olivia: I think we absolutely did. And I loved being on the call with you because you talked about your personal life and you talked about your own personal journey as a chastity Mistress. You talk about your own personal relationship and you write about it on your blog a lot: BegForMistress. When you write about your own situation, I think helps other people to look and go, Oh, it’s not one size fits all.
Lifestyle Mistress gives real advice
Ms Delia: I would agree with you. I really do like sharing about myself, my own personal kinky experiences in my home, things that I do because a lot of time it’s what has worked for me. And for those who don’t know, my husband Jack from time to time is locked in chastity. And it’s a kink that we really enjoy playing with together and that we have negotiated together. I like to share our stories.
In fact, one night we had an issue with the lock breaking — a chastity cage emergency — and I wrote about that experience just in case that ever happened to someone. Jack had to trot out to the shed after midnight and grab a tool. We were able to fix things. Through sharing my experience, I really like to think about helping people any way that I can.
Ms Olivia: You know what? I’ve done blog posts about this on my blog: ExperiencedMistress. I say that we really are sex therapists with a happy ending, although for Jack and for the chastity slaves in October’s since it’s called Lock-tober, there’s going to be no happy ending.
Ms Delia: Exactly.
Ms Olivia: I love hearing about you and Jack and of course I’ve played with you in person. I’ve had people call and say, wow, you’re really knowledgeable about this. They are often surprised when it’s not all erotic fantasy. I’m not sure what they were expecting, like maybe some scripted scene or whatever, but I just talk to them about my own personal kinky life. I’m a fetish player in the face to face scene and so are you.
Ms Delia: Yes. Yes I am. And I think that’s why we get along together so well. Why we do two Mistress calls together so well because we have that relatability to each other. We get it. We can also talk about fetish events that we’ve gone to, equipment that we’ve bought, and equipment that we like.
What chastity cage do I buy?
Ms Olivia: I think that is especially important when it comes to a measuring for a chastity cage because you can go on amazon and look and buy a chastity cage for like nine or 10 dollars. That’s awful, don’t do that.
Ms Delia: Let me say one thing about that. I have had a couple of people buy the midrange $25 to say $50 chastity cages on Amazon and they do it just because they’re really nervous about trying out a device and not liking it. So they figure out what they like and what they don’t like with these kind of trial chastity things. They’re experimenting so they put that little amount of money forth first. And then over time I’ve seen these people lock up in like a CB series male chastity device. Over time I see some of these people lock up in more expensive chastity devices oftentimes ending up in say a Mature Metal cage. That’s a beautiful chastity device.
Ms Olivia: You bring up a really good point and I hadn’t thought of that. So I’m really glad you said that those less expensive ones are perfect. It’s a trial. Some people just physically do not like that experience. It’s the equivalent of being claustrophobic, right? Their dick is claustrophobic. Some people like that feeling of claustrophobia and other people don’t. So that’s a really good point. I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you. I’ve learned from you. Yay. I love that.
Trial size kink idea that gets out of hand
Ms Delia: I get those boxes once a month that have makeup and little trial size things. And after that I like to go out and get just what I like, but in a full size. And I kind of think chastity trials can be like that.
Ms Olivia: That’s a great way to put it. You know what you and I should do? We should do trial size kink. I mean, think about it. We could send a trial size violet wand, something with just a tiny little buzz. If they like that they can get the $300 violet wand that feel amazing! Do you like the feel of flogging? Not sure? Here’s a trial size with one silicone in a spaghetti shape. Wow. Right. This could be our next career. We’ll do trial size kink.
Ms Delia: That’s funny. We should do that!
Try out a chastity Mistress on the phone
Ms Olivia: Actually we DO trial size kink and that’s the 10 minute cutoff phone call. It’s perfect for when somebody calls in and he’s not sure if he’s going to connect with a certain mistress. He wants to give her a try. I think it’s fabulous that if the call is legitimately a very, very, very short call like she picks up in, you’re like, Oh fuck, I hate her voice. I didn’t know she sounded like that cause I’m an idiot and didn’t listen to her audios. But if he’s like, Oh no, no, no. Then just ask to go back to the Dispatcher. You won’t be charged. But when someone does a 10 minute call, you whether or not you are going to click with that Mistress.
Ms Delia: Very true, very true. Another example of the kind of trial sized kink we have is something called pass the penis. You can call in and speak to one Mistress for 10 minutes and be passed to another Mistress for 10 minutes and then be passed to another Mistress for 10 minutes, as many times as you want. So if you’ve not met someone, if you haven’t really experienced someone and you’re really curious and want to be passed around, pass the penis is a great kind of trying it out trial size kink that I love.
Ms Olivia: This is a perfect time to give the phone number. So if you’re listening to this audio and you’re like, Oh fuck, I want to talk to ms Delia or I want to talk to ms Olivia or even better, I want to talk to both of them together or any of the other Mistresses, dial (800) 601-7259. Ask for the Mistress of your choice or talk to the Dispatcher and say, here’s what I’m interested in. Ask her to suggest someone. The dispatchers are great at giving suggestions, but here’s the thing, if you’re in chastity, don’t call for pass the penis. LOL
Ms Delia: No wait, I’ve had, I’ve had someone in chastity call for pass the penis! It just works a bit different. He’s being denied in different ways and we all have different denial styles. Even though we are similar, your style is different from my style.
Our caller had spent some time speaking with Mistress Erica and after he had finished up speaking with us, he had wanted to go back over to Ms Erica to see the interesting things that she would do to him after us.
Ms Olivia: Later on he actually also talked with Mistress Scarlet.
Ms Delia: Oh yeah. Everyone has a different style and I think all the Mistresses, everyone brings a little something different to the table and it’s fun to experience all of that.
Finding the right Chastity Mistress for you
Ms Olivia: That’s a really good point. I want to just put an asterisk by this and highlight it and say it in bold letters, especially when you’re in chastity, you develop a really close relationship with your Mistress because it is psychologically challenging and you need support and care, et cetera. We encourage people to try the different Mistresses. If anybody wants any suggestions to find your perfect Mistress I am happy to share suggestions. I say, Oh, you call it such and such a time. I think you should try this particular mistress. I know her. She answers her emails, she’s responsive, she has great calls. She’s not multitasking when she’s on the phone with you. I think you’ll like her. And I personally can vouch for her professionalism, skill and fucking naughtiness.
Ms Delia: Oh yeah. Sharing around is really, really fun and I love to make recommendations as well, and it can really help someone who is in chastity get something different. Something that they hadn’t noticed before.
We talked about it a little bit about the starter chastity cages all the way up to Mature Metal.
Ms Olivia: The Mature Metal Queens Keep is my absolute favorite. Do you have a favorite from Mature Metal?
Ms Delia: I think I’m torn. I often feel torn between the jailbird or the Queens Keep. Those two designs are just my favorite.
Ms Olivia: They should call the jailbird, which is also spectacular, but they should say Mistress’ jailbird or something like that. I think that part of my joy in the Queens Keep is saying, yes, I want you in the Queens, Keep. It’s very Femdom and personal. I am the Queen and you ARE being kept.
Ms Delia: Oh, I just, I think that’s so funny. I like that!
Ms Olivia: You know, I’ve talked with someone this past week who did in fact get a Queen’s Keep. You know how you got on the phone with someone and it’s like, okay, so tell me where are you? What are the circumstances? Are you on travel? Are you at home? Is it your day off? How long do you have? Like you kind of get the lay of the land. And he said, I am dressed and I’m in your Queens. Keep. And I was just like, Oh, that, that makes me all tingly!! Mmmmm, right?
Time in chastity: what’s right for you?
Ms Delia: That’s the best. That is absolutely the best. So why don’t we talk about a couple of examples, short, medium and long chastity. What do you think?
Ms Olivia: Absolutely. And then let’s talk about the cages that we like for each of those.
Ms Delia: Perfect. So I have someone who is in short term chastity and we do an even day odd day schedule. So on the even days he is locked in chastity in a very simple, easy plastic device like a CB 6,000. On the odd days he can masturbate. So that would be my example of short term chastity: one day in, one day out.
Chastity without a male chastity cage
Ms Olivia: My example is short term or medium or even long term. It’s chastity without a cock cage. This is for the person who is married or who does a lot of airport business travel. You can’t wear your cock cage at the airport or I don’t recommend it. This is for someone who is married or in a relationship and can’t wear the chastity device to bed.
Chastity without a cock cage is wicked. I use numbing cream. You don’t want to get something like IcyHot. You want to get numbing cream that has lidocaine. There are different types but look on the ingredient list for lidocaine.
He’s all sexy and aroused, then he puts on the numbing cream. He still feels incredibly aroused, but because his dick is numb automatically it doesn’t work. This is a discrete way to do chastity. You can have numbing cream in your bags when you travel. No wife or girlfriend is ever going to say, why do you have numbing cream in there? It’s like a personal item that is okay to to carry around.
Let me also mention that if there’s a relationship their chastity time is irrespective of their time with their partner. It ends up being a little bit trickier to track chastity time though. Does that make sense?
Ms Delia: It actually does make sense.
Being in chastity while in a relationship
Ms Olivia: How do you handle that? What do you do? Because it’s definitely possible. All things are possible. How do you handle that? 
Ms Delia: So I have someone who’s in kind of medium term chastity who is absolutely in a relationship. He is married and we’ve kind of negotiated over time. Here’s what happens, his wife plays with him a little bit and so that’s when he takes a break from kind of speaking or doing more chastity and just becomes immersed in what they are doing as a couple.
And then, when they are not spending so much time together or one is traveling, he is completely locked up. I try to fit chastity around their relationship schedule and that seems to work really well.
it’s my opinion that if you are married and you are exploring kink a little bit your relationship partner is first.
Ms Olivia: I agree. I’ve actually helped people on the phone have a better relationship with their wife or partner. Sometimes they will listen to a Mistress who says, “Dude, you’re acting like a fucking asshole. Mistress says you better behave.” And he’s like, “Oh, Mistress. Okay.” He’ll call back later and say, my relationship is a whole lot better now. Thank you. Right?
Ms Delia: Oh yeah. Oh yeah.
Ms Olivia: Doing distance domination, sometimes it’s hard for us to check and see how truthful their comments are. But we also have people that we know that they’re telling the truth. Give an example of someone in long term chastity for you. What is the cage and how do you know they’re telling the truth and does it matter?
Unique needs of long term chastity pets
Ms Delia: That’s a good question. So for long term, I think the best example I could give is Every year, give him a new schedule for the year and that includes his time out of chastity and the days throughout the year that he can orgasm. Yes, his birthday is included, holidays too. But I think, for him, there were only maybe six to eight orgasms allowed for the year. With that schedule, even between our calls, he has a complete program that will take him through September of 2020.
Ms Olivia: I also want to highlight that you are brilliant about making schedules. You post some of these details on your blog: BegForMistress. Obviously the personal schedules are personal to the person who is your chastity slave, but you are just fucking brilliant about making schedules and keeping track of that kind of stuff. There are stages of emotions in chastity.
I have learned a lot about how to do that and the value of setting expectations. So let’s say his next orgasm is Christmas, right? He really wants to cum in late November. But when he has a schedule he will realize, “Mistress is going to be so pleased if I stick to my schedule.” It also gives him a time when he does get an authorized orgasm. A schedule allows him to keep going and be successful.
Mental preparation of being cock locked
Ms Delia: Right, exactly. And it’s, it’s that different kind of support that is so important. I think the key is the mental preparation. You can prepare yourself to not touch your cock for one night, for 24 hours, or even for a week. When you’re looking at a month, or even for a full year, that takes a different kind of mental preparation. Absolutely it does.
Ms Olivia: If he’s cock locked and he’s not having the traditional male orgasm, you and I both do prostate milking. I’ve got someone in long term chastity right now and we do prostate milking every couple of weeks. It kind of goes in cycles. Sometimes it’s it’s a lot and sometimes not but prostate milking is a fabulous way to keep the sexual arousal, the sexual focus, the sexual energy going and kind of literally drain off just a little bit. Do you like prostate milking as well?
Alternatives to prostate milking and other health issues
Ms Delia: I really do. Interesting thing though, I have spoken to people in chastity who no longer have a prostate so they cannot do prostate milking. When you have that situation you wouldn’t do the typical kinds of things: the milking and the touching. You need some kind of other way to experience the pleasure.
What I have enjoyed doing with men maybe who cannot do milking or for some reason can’t do anal in any way. When you are in chastity and you don’t have that sensation of touching your cock, you can maybe stroke your nipples or find a place right there on your inner upper thigh that feels so good. You can transfer those sexual feelings into another part of your body.
It’s very interesting playing with a person’s body while they are in chastity. The key is to find something to explore, something to really keep your head space in check.
Ms Olivia: That is a fabulous point. And to get this level of experience or care, you need someone who really knows what they’re doing. Ms Delia knows what she’s doing. Her blog is Beg for Mistress.
I’m Ms Olivia. My blog is Experienced Mistress.
Ms Delia, thanks for dropping all the info. It’s thrilling to be back with you on The Weekly Hot Spot.
Ms Delia: Thank you. Thank you. I love doing The Weekly Hot Spot with you
Ms Olivia: Thanks to all of you for joining us on The Weekly Hot Spot. Leave a comment, check us out on Twitter. You can find all of our contact information on our blogs and remember, if you want private lessons, scenes or more, you can call either of us at (800) 601-7259. It’s $2.75/minute with a 10 minute minimum and we can talk and play.
Check out all the episodes on The Weekly Hot Spot. We’ll see you next time. Bye Delia.
Ms Delia: Bye.
Not sure chastity is for you? Why not try some cock control tease and denial? If you like orgasm delay you might be a candidate for chastity. Remember the comment that started this podcast, the best sessions are the ones that your Mistress designs for YOU, not some preconceived notion of what you “should” be doing.
Questions or comments about kinky sex?
Who can you ask when you have a question about all your naughty thoughts? Curious about kink, fetish, BDsm or all the nuances of erotic pleasure? Post your question in the comments.
Send us an email: olivia@enchantrixempire.com / delia@enchantrixempire.com
Follow and chat on twitter: @MistressOlivia1 / @EmpressDelia
Thanks for being part of The Weekly Hot Spot!
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Recent Comments