Today’s edition is about some of the important aspects of Pride Month and LBGTQ+ culture. The Gay Liberation movement has had lots of impact on mainstream culture, social justice issues, and politics. Mistress Harper joins Ms. Olivia and Ms. Erika for this episode. You can listen to PRIDE Month: celebration, education, and connection on Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcasts.
Ms. Olivia: Welcome to the Weekly Hotspot, kink conversation, BDSM advice, and insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. I’m Mistress Olivia here with Ms. Erika, and woohoo, it is Pride Month, and Ms. Harper is joining us.
Ms. Erika: Hi, Ms. Harper, thank you for coming back to our show. We’re happy to have you.
Ms. Olivia: Let’s talk LGBTQ+. It started out LGB, then Q, then T, then plus, and now lots of things. So listen, it’s an evolving acronym.
It means lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning. Some might include A for asexual.The plus sign can include things like two-spirit, non-binary, pansexual, demisexual, aromantic, gender nonconforming, gender fluid, et cetera.
We’ll talk more about some of the specifics, but for now, let’s identify ourselves.
I identify as bisexual, pansexual, and kinky as fuck. Ladies, what about both of you?
Erika, we’ll start with you.
Ms. Erika: None ya.
Ms. Olivia: None ya?
Ms. Erika: None ya business. Unless I’m going to fuck you, it’s none ya business. No, I’m only kidding. Quite boring, heterosexual with maybe a little bi-curious rising, Ms. Olivia.
Ms. Olivia: Well, we keep talking about popping your girl cherry right here on the podcast.
Ms. Erika: Exactly! Who can blame me? I’m hanging around with sexy-ass kinky women. Of course I’m curious, right?
Ms. Olivia: Uh-huh. Harper, what about you?
Ms. Harper: Ooh, I’m fun. Okay, I’m bi or pan depending on how you define those terms. Aromantic, genderqueer. And I’ll use the pronouns she and they.
Origin of Pride Month
Ms. Olivia: Don’t worry, listeners. We’ll explain more about all of these as we get further along in the podcast. But first, I really want us to remember the origins of Pride Month and Pride celebrations.
The first Pride March took place June 28, 1970. It was the one-year anniversary of the Stonewall Riots.Those were six days of riots started by a police raid after years of just fucking police hassling them.
But it was a police raid on the Stonewall Inn on Christopher Street in New York City. A self-identified drag queen and prominent gay liberation activist, Marcia P. Johnson, who’s beautiful, is one of the most well-known participants.
Drag Queens, political activism, and Pride Month
Ms. Olivia: Ladies, gents, people, anyone, I love activism by drag queens. Do not piss off the drag queens. Anyway, the first parade was 50 blocks long. It was called the Christopher Street Liberation Day March. And there were other small marches: Chicago, San Francisco, L.A. Fast forward decades, and we have today a whole month of Pride events, parades, protests.
Ms. Harper: While the swag, the rainbows, the parades, the parasols, the parties, are fun, they’re beautiful, they’re pretty, I also really want to honor the activism of LGBTQ plus people who have gone before me and who are here now fighting for our right to exist, to be seen, to be full participants in society.
The queer liberation movement has been around for a very long time, and it’s been active in waves and spurts for various issues, ranging from gay marriage, which with Obergefell, that is hopefully settled law.Hopefully, right? The right to get married to whoever consents to marry you.
The Gay Liberation Movement and the impact on culture
Ms. Harper: There’s a lot of ways that the gay liberation movement affects literally everybody. It pushes our whole entire society further along the arc of justice, as they say.
The freedom to wear pants, right, for ladies. As late as 1989, we had the first woman to wear trousers in a state senate. Before then, they would turn you away. You had to wear a skirt. In the 2000s, we had the very first portrait of a first lady wearing pants. So, the freedom to dress the way that you want is rooted in gay rights. Your freedom to wear whatever color you want, whatever style you want.
Queer identities and art have been pushing the envelope for our entire culture. All music, fashion, the trope of the gay fashion designer. It exists for a reason. 
Ms. Olivia: That’s true. I’m going to take us off on safari for a hot second.
Lil Nas X is a country rap singer. He didn’t come out (as gay) when he became a country singer. He has always been out.
I think he was 19 years old when he did Old Town Road. He’s completely comfortable in his own skin as a young man and creating some amazing music.
Ms. Harper: Speaking of music, Sam Smith and his song Unholy featuring Kim Petras won all sorts of awards and some people were like, Oh my God, because Kim Petras is trans. There were so many people who tried to misgender her and call her by the wrong set of pronouns. There is an awful lot of fuss around pronouns, right?
Misgendering and use of pronouns
Ms. Harper: Pronouns are a current political hot button. If you look at somebody and you think to yourself, Oh, that’s a woman and then they introduce themselves and say, Hey, the pronouns I use are he and him. It can be confusing because you’re like, but you’ve got boobs, right? You’ve got titties. Okay, so did Meatloaf and every single sumo wrestler throughout history.
It can be confusing for some people. If you’re used to looking at a person and making an instant snap judgment about who they are and how you’re going to treat them. It might seem to you as if they’re using pronouns in a way that makes your brain hurt …
Oh, and there are people who use neo-pronouns too, and those are the ones that are very interesting. That’s when you wind up with somebody who says, My pronouns are zee zir, and I’ve heard weirder sets of pronouns even further out there.
They use neo-pronouns because they’re trying to decouple the idea of gender from what society has been saying gender is supposed to be. You know, how men are always supposed to be interested in cars and NASCAR and drinking beer. And women are always supposed to be interested in cooking and cleaning the house and making a sandwich for their man.
Ms. Erika: We want to make sure that the listeners know, here at LDW Group, we listen. You get to tell us what pronouns you want to use. And by the way, we were in a company meeting and Harper, you brought up something that I hadn’t thought of making the caller’s experience of talking to us and talking to our dispatchers even more inclusive. Can you say what that is?
Ms. Harper: I wanted us to be a little bit more loud about the fact that we’re super inclusive. We always have been. If your legal name, the name on your billing information, seems to indicate one set of pronouns, but you would rather be addressed by a different pronoun, then just tell us.
Tell the dispatchers. We’ll make a note in your file however they do that. I don’t know. I don’t do billing. But they’ll make a note and then every single time you call after that, they’ll use the pronouns that it says to use for you.
Ms. Erika: Don’t be afraid to ask the dispatcher to say, please address me as her or she or they or them. A lot of people come to us to try on behaviors, right?
Ms. Harper: Yes! So let’s say they’re living a fully heterosexual male life, but in their fantasy with us, that fantasy starts when they connect with us, not with the dispatcher. So we help you explore behaviors. So let’s say you have a fantasy of being a trans woman. Then that fantasy starts with us. You may not necessarily want to be a trans woman 24-7, but often people explore that way with us to really feel how it might feel. You might be questioning, but you’re not really fully ready to come out yet. Perfectly fine.
Ms. Olivia: Remember, this is not binary. It is easy to look at it in a binary way. Male, female, this body part, this body part.
Terms: Cis and trans
Ms. Erika: Starting simply, let’s kind of break it down quickly. Cis or trans? Harper?
Ms. Harper: Oh, you want it quickly? All right. Cis and trans.
It might be familiar to you from chemistry class. It refers to the orientation of molecules. Don’t worry, we’re not going back to chemistry school. Cis and trans indicates whether you agree with the gender you were assigned at birth or if you disagree. That’s it.
Where things get really interesting is with the split attraction model, though.
Do you know about the split attraction model?
Ms. Harper: This comes to us from the folks at the Asexuality, Visibility and Education Network. So what exactly is the split attraction model? I think we see that a lot in what we do. We do.
We see split attraction in action all the time. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Instead of thinking of attraction as a single monolith, we split it out into different areas. There’s what you’re sexually attracted to and what you’re romantically attracted to.
Take me. Remember, I identified myself earlier. I’m bi or pan. It means I’m sexually attracted to everybody that consents. But I’m also aromantic. That means I have no real drive or desire to get married, settle down, and have a one-on-one intimate romantic relationship.
Ms. Erika: Split attraction is something that’s very interesting to me because, as Olivia said, this is an evolving acronym. I honestly have not heard of split attraction. If I understand what you’re saying, the concept seems simple. Who you want to have sex versus who you want to be romantically involved with.
Let me give you an example. Would split attraction also be that I want to fuck a man mountain like Jason Momoa, but I couldn’t imagine being in love with him and I want a totally different person? Or is the split attraction always who you want to have sex with but you’re aromantic or you’re not interested in romantic relationships?
Nuances of sexual attraction
Ms. Harper: This is where split attraction gets interesting and complex. It’s that first one. Split attraction is just dividing out sexual and romantic attraction. Once you’ve divided those, then we scale the level of those attractions. A sexual person is attracted towards sex with other people.
A heterosexual wants sex with the opposite gender to themselves. Homosexual or gay people want to have sex with people of the same gender presentation as themselves. An asexual would not be sexually attracted to anyone.
Now, if you head over to the forums on AVEN, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, you can find micro-labels that describe nuances for various levels of attraction.
Demisexual: Some people are sexually attracted only after they get to know somebody really well.
Asexual: Some people are just flat-out asexual. They never want to have sex with anybody. They’re like, I’d rather masturbate. Thank you. Bye.
And then for all of those, you can swap romantic for sexual.
Heteromantic: People who are only romantically attracted towards people who have an opposite gender presentation to themselves.
Homoromantic: People who only want to date people who are like them.
Aromantic: People like me. I don’t want to date anybody. I’m not the marrying kind.
Ms. Olivia: This is how we get folks who are happily married to the opposite gender, but desire sex with the same gender. And just like everything else, I think it’s really important to say these are not set in stone.
Heterosexual men who want to suck cock
Ms. Harper: So, for example, if you are a cisgendered, heterorepresenting man, you are romantic with women, but occasionally you want to suck a cock. That’s an example of the split gender. But you don’t always want to do it.
Maybe you want to suck my toes sometimes, and you don’t want a cock. So it’s all of these things, they’re very fluid.
Ms. Erika: I think a lot of what we do here on the phones (online Domination and Femdom phone sex) and in the role of BDSM is kind of play with all of these gender presentations, the gender stereotypes, and that split attraction.
Ms. Olivia: For example, humiliation and its role in BDSM. I will say things in a session that I would never, ever, ever, ever, ever say in public using a particular derogatory word, for example, for a gay man. I’m not even saying it here because this isn’t even a humiliation session.
Harper, I’m curious, how do you feel about politically incorrect words that are used in BDSM or kink sessions? Do you do it?
Ms. Harper: I do. Because fantasy and reality, two different things. Very, very separated out. And while some words you wouldn’t want to say at the dinner table in front of your aged auntie, you can and will say them to your sex partner, right? So there’s that line between what happens in your own head and what happens between you and a partner who has consented to hear those words.
There’s a time and a place to spring the big, dirty words on folks after you’ve checked in to make sure they’re okay with hearing them.
And usually for distance domination, like what we do, we’re pretty okay with hearing those words. We consented.
BDSM and consent
Editors note: The Weekly Hot Spot podcast often talks about this, here’s a full episode about BDSM and consent.
Ms. Erika: Yes. That’s a great explanation. I fully agree. Consent is very important and it’s a very sensitive subject with what we do in sessions versus our public life.
On one hand, I’m not here to insult or denigrate anybody or hurt anyone. So like you said, I’m trying to be sensitive and not say words like that and I don’t.
It’s so frustrating to me sometimes. I mean, I live in Florida, so I’m losing my mind every freaking day down here about the inequity. And to do or say things in public without consent is hurting everyone, including yourself.
Ms. Olivia: I have to go back to what you said, consent is paramount and the context in which you use those terms with any gender play and also BDSM. But, anything to do with erotic pleasure is complicated. People are complicated. This is nuanced.
Difference between: transwoman, crossdresser and a sissy
Ms. Olivia: Sometimes people come to us and they don’t know the nuances between someone who is trans, a cross-dresser, or a sissy, and those terms are also not mutually exclusive.
For example, I’ve had callers who might identify themselves as a sissy, but after some conversation, I’ll say something like, hey, you know what? I think you might be trans and a submissive transwoman who might want sissy-like play, but not necessarily a cis male doing sissy play as humiliation via sissification.
How do each of you check in with callers to make sure you know where they’re coming from?
Ms. Erika: Well, the conversation is very important. I personally take folks for their actions, what they want to involve themselves in, their desires. And for the labels, unless it’s very important to them, it’s the least important to me. Who you are, what you like is what I think is most important.
So I ask a lot of questions about their journey so far, what activities they’re interested in, and what goals and aspirations they have, and work on that. Then if they need a label, then we can create a label that they feel comfortable with.
Ms. Olivia: Harper, what about you?
Ms. Harper: I just ask. If you call me in a session, I will ask you. If you start hinting, you know, about gender fun, maybe saying something like “oh, I like panties.” Oh, that’s a clue. Okay, yes. Let’s talk about that.
Certain other key phrases. I’ll just ask. I don’t judge. I’ll just be like, okay, real quick. What pronouns am I using for you? And what name am I calling you? Oh, I get to name you? Well, okay. If you twist my arm, I’ll give you a name. So it’s just a real quick little check-in. I always make it fun, and then we move on with whatever we were about to do.
Gender and kink
Ms. Olivia: That’s a really good point, Harper, because there are straight heterosexual men that love to wear panties, but have no desire for any kind of sissy play.
They’re doing it, not even as a submissive, but just because they feel better. We have better fabrics. We have better fashions. All of that kind of stuff.
Questions for The Weekly Hot Spot podcast listeners
Ms. Olivia: We’re closing in on the end of this episode. Time for final thoughts and questions for our listeners. I’m going to go first.
I am going to reiterate what Harper said, what Erika agreed with, what I agree with. Talk to your Mistress. Talk to her. She can help you make sure that the dispatchers use your correct pronoun or name when you call, how to address you in the session, etc.
It’s also okay if you don’t want to get into any of this because of the politics and you just want to have an erotic session and have fun the way you want it. Perfect. Harper, what about you? Final thoughts or questions for listeners?
Ms. Harper: Well, I’ll tell you one of the safest ways for you, dear listener, to explore your gender, your sexuality, your identity. Just give us a call. We already know all the words. We know the nuance. We can help you try things out. If you want to use a certain pronoun for just one session to see if it fits, great. You want to try to explore something sexually in a supportive environment, hi. You should call us.
Ms. Olivia: And let me just also mention, I had a caller that I shared with another Mistress and this caller was a sissy to the other Mistress. This was back when I still did switching calls. He presented to me as a heterosexual male and I was his fantasy female submissive. I don’t do switch calls now. I’m not a submissive anymore, even in fantasy. But I think it’s important to remember none of these things are set and phone sex is the perfect place to try things out.
Ms. Erika: Yes, it’s okay to be like water. Be fluid. Experience the journey, right? For the listeners, although our focus is on celebrating and coming to awareness and talking about the challenges marginalized people have this month regarding gender, gender identity and sexuality, remember every month of the year, we are here for you to help figure stuff out. Just like Harper said, we are here to celebrate all of your milestones during your journey. Use us as your social circle.
How will you celebrate Pride Month?
Ms. Olivia: How will you both be celebrating pride? I have a rainbow-colored dildo that I’m especially happy with. It’s in my collection of glass dildos and it’s really beautiful.
Ms. Harper: Yay, I can’t think of a better way to celebrate. I’m going to be going out into the community. There’s all sorts of pride events scheduled. There’s a local LGBT professional network that’s hosting a brunch. There’s the parade, of course. There are floats, yes, but if you just want to go and march in the parade, show up at the starting line and be like, hello, can I march? And they’ll be like, yes, great. Pick a spot, go.
Ms. Erika: I’m going to celebrate by taking some images of 75-year-old cisgender male senators who are ignorant and putting them in drag via Photoshop. That is my contribution to the celebration.
Get in touch with the Femdoms from The Weekly Hot Spot podcast
Ms. Erika: erika@enchantrixempire.com
Mistress Erika’s blog: Intelligent Phone Fantasy
Ms. Olivia: olivia@enchantrixempire.com
Mistress Olivia’s blog: Experienced Mistress
Ms. Harper: harper@enchantrixempire.com
Mistress Harper’s blog: Fetish Phone Sex Blog
Ms. Olivia: We will leave each other and our listeners with this quote from the brilliant researcher and author, Brene Brown:
“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we will ever do.”
So to all of our listeners you don’t have to go through the process alone. We are here for you. Thank you to everyone for joining us for this Pride Month edition of The Weekly Hot Spot.
Bye.
Bye.
Laters.
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