This episode features a fascinating guest who says, she dressed as a girl for Halloween and then realized she is a transwoman! Fascinating, lively, intimate and serious. This is one of our favorite episodes. Listen to the episode Straight Man to Transwoman: Interview with Maria Konner on The Weekly Hot Spot podcast and enjoy the transcript.
Ms. Olivia: Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot. Kink conversation, BDSM advice and insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. I’m Mistress Olivia and I’m here with Ms. Erika.
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On to the show!
Y’all know I read a lot. Sometimes I will talk about a book in passing. Other times I recommend a book and right now, I am going to order you, a Mistress order, to get this book: Girl Shock! I dressed as a girl for Halloween but then she took over my life! by Maria Konner.
Do. It. Now.
Our guest today, Maria Konner.
Maria: Thank you so much. That was a great intro. I want to add one point. There was a subtitle to the book: From Straight to Fabulous and Naughty. I wanted to make sure people were clear what the book was about.
Ms. Erika: We’re going to be talking about that aspect as well. Yes, ma’am.
Ms. Olivia: We’ve been talking about you on Twitter and then on calls and emails with people. First of all, you need to activate your Twitter. Tons of people are tagging you and you haven’t tweeted.
Maria: I know. I haven’t. I don’t use Twitter. I guess I need to do that, right? I was doing it for a while, but it is so hard to keep up with the volume.
Ms. Olivia: We can help you with that.
Maria: I will accept your help with that.
Ms. Olivia: Oh! I am Mistressing for Maria.
Ms. Erika: You are ordering her to get back on Twitter.
Maria: This is a different kind of order.
Ms. Olivia: That’s true.
Difference between a crossdresser and a sissy
Maria: I was looking at the difference between a sissy and a crossdresser and you said a sissy wants to be dominated and a crossdresser can be a whole different thing. Of course I am always going back to myself. I know we all do that.
I am a crossdresser, but I like to be a sissy sometimes.
I was with a Dominatrix, several times.
Ms. Olivia: Wait a minute. We saw a YouTube video of you being flogged. That was fucking hot. It’s called Maria Konner gets flogged by Mistress Mercy.
Maria: Yeah, I got flogged by two women. Did you see the other one?
The one that got me most was the one where Danarama and Jane Wiedlin whip me in San Francisco.
I was thinking about when I felt most like a sissy. I’m not sure if I’m role playing or not. I think this is real. So the sissy “role” wasn’t something I just jumped into. When I really felt her power was when she put me in these amazing handcuffs. Unexpectedly. I thought, “It’s all about trust.” She’s a very, very strong personality and we were hanging out and not doing a session yet. I kind of trusted her, but I didn’t. She knew how to make me feel that trust.
That was so off-the-cuff and natural for me.
Top versus bottom in BDSM
Ms. Olivia: I don’t really read you as a submissive. There are so many layers. You could be a bottom who likes to be Topped for sensation play. That sensation play can be submission as in bondage and sensation play, but not submission as in erotic humiliation or similar circumstances.
I think you and I are much more alike in that I have no interest in being submissive or being the receiver of erotic humiliation, but I fucking love to be Topped. It’s all about the sensation more than anything else.
Maria: The first time I was Topped, I was so scared. It was so hot. It’s in the book, of course. You can feel it in how I wrote it in the book. I wrote the book in the order that things happened.
People said, “You teased me,” from what I wrote in the book. I said that was because of how I went through it. That was what it was for me. I really wanted the arc of the story to represent what it was like for me to be there.
The first guy who Topped me came at me from behind and it was out of a dream.
This T-girl lived upstairs from our piano bar and had multiple mirrors around her bed. Her bedroom overlooked Market Street. I thought it was like a fable. I didn’t think it was really true. Real always delivers.
Her transwoman sissy fantasy comes true
I was playing piano one night and very often I hang out with people after the show. This girl was sitting there and this guy next to her had a “Tranny Chaser” t-shirt on. I say T-Girl Chaser. I try not to say the word “tranny” but that is what the shirt said. He said, “You want to go upstairs?” And there it was.
I got on the bed and I’m looking at the mirrors and I didn’t expect this guy to come up right behind me, the guy with the Tranny Chaser t-shirt on, jumped up, pumping his balls. I was looking in the mirror and I’m in my fantasy.
He grabbed me and completely Dominated my body. My first thought was, “I’m going to be doing this for a long time.” I just opened a door in a house I never knew existed. There was a whole magical kingdom there. Get out the popcorn. Let’s roadmap this thing and plan it out for the next five years. I opened up a gold mine. Oh, my God, my life has just changed.
Ms. Olivia: I really urge people to get the book Girl Shocked by Maria Konner. You can get it from Amazon. I downloaded it on Kindle.
Erika, you have a question and we have a ton of questions by a whole bunch of people. Maria, they are curious about or yearning for or having a fantasies about what you did.
Ms. Erika: Maria, as you mentioned before, the tease for the book, “From straight to living a trans life in San Francisco.”
Why did you write this book? Who is this book for? What is it you hope to accomplish with this book? That’s a complex set of questions, but I wanted to get them in there because I was fascinated with the tagline.
We’re going to get into a little bit more in a few minutes.
Maria: I’m an artist by nature. I like to write. I’ve written musicals. Writing is a natural thing. It was transformative for me.
When I moved from the suburbs of San Francisco, as you can see in the book, I was tortured by the sort of suburban culture, live through the TV kind of thing. When I moved, I got divorced.
feminization and transformation
My life was transformed so much I felt like I had found gold. “Guys, you gotta check this out!” It was so transformative for me. I knew from going out as Maria there were a lot of straight people. I met tens of thousands of people and they were so curious.
Gay people love what I do and the trans people are interested in the obvious of “How do you come out?” or “Where do you buy your clothes?” and even “How do you have the courage?”
But the number of straight people. One of the most untapped markets on the planet for liberation or selling entertainment.
I felt how unshackled I had become, I felt like I had to tell this story. I had to. I wrote a musical first, then thought, “Let me try a book.”
The people I am thinking of, obviously, are trans folks, but also straight people. People that might be peering over the edge of the cliff and see what’s down there, but are afraid to lean over.
Ms. Olivia: Those are our callers.
Questions about coming out from our listeners
Horny Sissy wants to know:
“How did you come out? What are your suggestions?”
I want to take you back. You’re married. You are a lobbyist. You are trapped in suburbia. Some people might like suburbia. I don’t. You don’t either.
So for Horny Sissy, explain how you came out and what are your suggestions for her?
Maria: I do like some aspects of the suburbs. I like the peace and quiet. I miss the frogs on the golf course I lived beside. I used to get into fights with my ex-wife because I wanted to sleep with the windows open, but she wanted them closed because she didn’t want to hear the frogs.
Everything has its pluses and minuses. The downside to being in a suburban environment is you are disconnected from people. We have this fallacy that if we go on the Internet we’re going to find people. For me, the Internet, besides dating, is just a way to meet people in real life.
You have no idea what is going to happen with people in real life. I describe it like this. Imagine somebody who has never eaten pizza. I worked with this guy from India and had never eaten corned beef. I can’t even describe it to him. “Dude, when we go to New York, we’re going to Katz’s Deli.” There’s no point even talking about it.
If there is a city near you, a way to get a community. Don’t think the online thing alone is going to get you anywhere, you need a community.
When you meet a community, you are opening a door and have no idea what is on the other side.
Support for feminization
Ms. Olivia: That’s part of why people come to us because when you open that door and don’t know who or what will be there, they have to be prepared that the life they lived before might suddenly become inaccessible, for whatever reason.
Maybe because you blew up your life. Maybe because you no longer fit your life. It is a transformative trip.
Some people love to have access to that, to their inner femme, and they call us. We have a wonderful, fabulous time and they have a sense of community with us.
Maria: One of the things I heard on your podcast was when you look at a sissy or a submissive, you can see that part of themselves they never shared with anybody else in her life.
There is a bittersweetness to that. They are privileged to have you to share with, but they can’t share with other folks. That really struck me because I have been there.
When I came here to the city, it wasn’t what I expected. For others it might be the same. You don’t know who you are going to meet. I didn’t expect it to be so easy to be accepted as this femme side of myself. I didn’t expect that people would like me more as Maria than when I was a guy.
Ms. Olivia: Gigi wants to know:
“Are you attracted to men, women, or both?”
You got into that a little bit, but first I want to give a caveat.
Journalists, if you’re listening to this and this is a straight news interview, when you talk to Maria Konner (or other transpeople), it is rude to ask about body parts or her sexual habits. This is a sex podcast, so we talk about sex.
I found out that Erika had never fucked a woman and I was all about, “Hey, I will take your cherry,” because I’m helpful like that.
As a transwoman, Maria, if any of this is invasive, you are welcome to tell us to “Fuck off. Mind your own business.”
All that said, Gigi wants to know if you are attracted to women or men or both?
Sexual attraction as a transwoman
Maria: It’s an evolving thing. I’m attracted to both, but I’m not attracted to men when I’m a man. I’m just not. I identify as straight. I look straight. I love straight sex. I love when opposites bang, there’s just something about it. I love it. Not the romantic part of it, just the raw energy stuff.
When I am a guy, I’m attracted to women. I’m sexually attracted to women.
To be attracted to men, I need a little help. Alcohol. Drugs, pot. I love getting stoned and having sex with guys.
Let me tell you something a little controversial. Remember Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Remember when he would come home from work and put on his sweater and the audience would go in the tunnel?
I think of my life. I am such an alpha male when I am The Dude. It’s amazing how many people don’t know anything. I am such a dude. At the end of the week, I’m going to put on my sweater and bra.
When Diva’s was open, a TS bar in San Francisco, I would go hardcore. It was the skankiest bar on the planet, but it was so beautiful. You would meet real people.
In the book, I have this whole section about going to Israel where I found that when you go to the top of the spiritual mountain, you realize real life is in the gutter. Does that make sense? That’s my short answer.
Ms. Olivia: So en femme, are you a heterosexual, lesbian, or bi?
Maria: I’m bi. I prefer to be with men when I am a woman. It’s very practical.
This is going to sound crass and feel free to stop me if it’s too crass. Guys are just so much easier and that’s just practical. I don’t want to deal with the uncertainty.
I just want to fuck.
Ms. Olivia: That is so true.
Maria: Men are so obtuse.
Relative to women, men are just… I’ve been in both modes. If you’re a man and you’ve never been a woman, you just don’t know how obtuse men can be when it comes to sex. It is remarkable.
I was thinking about the word sapiosexual. I identify as transexual, bisexual… how many sexuals are there? Sapiosexual. Kinkster.
When in guy mode
Maria: When I’m a guy, I’m in a completely different mode. The Dude is a hopeless romantic. He grew up overseas. He’s a completely different person. I guess I’m The Dude.
Ms. Erika: That’s very interesting, Maria. Now that I’m getting to know you a little bit more, in your interview with Cassandra Cass, you say the most common thing is when a straight guy says, “Ewww, transwomen.” Then later, they come back to meet up.
Have you heard the Native American term two spirit?
We talk to a lot of people very much in your shoes where they have to live most of their lives or even some of their lives as a male and some of their lives as a female.
So the straight dude, and I love how you refer to yourself as the straight dude, how does the straight dude deal with this type of situation and about the secret of straight guys coming back for the transwoman?
Maria: The complexity of the human condition, where to start. I am so glad to talk to people who know about these things.
When The Dude is presenting himself and doing work…
Ms. Erika: What kind of work do you do?
Maria: I’m a cybersecurity architect, director, and operations engineer.
Ms. Olivia: That is so alpha. That is so butch. I want to get you a wig with your hair flipped back like Gina Gershon in the movie Bound.
Maria: This is Internet stuff. Internet telecommunications, the Internet backbone. It is an incredibly complex environment with so many opposing forces, I am, especially during COVID, drawing from both sides.
Sometimes the bitch has to deliver her punch through The Dude. He can be ruthless when people need a little bit of a bitch slap.
Ms. Erika: I understand. I’m a little Beth Dutton
Maria: The question becomes, “Can I be Maria full-time?” I have to ask, “What’s in it for me?”
Having The Dude around is very helpful but it gets very confusing. Right now, I’m just so tired of The Dude. All he does is work. He wants to be with a woman and have a traditional relationship.
I have the body and the more powerful I get, the weaker he gets. But, I still need him. Or do I?
This is what goes through my mind. This is where I left things at the end of the book.
I do have some resolution, but maybe I should wait for the next book.
I’m going to New York for a month. From mid-November to mid-December, living in Manhattan. I will be in Vegas in January. Things happen.
Ms. Olivia: I should meet up with you when you are in New York.
Maria: Are you there?
Ms. Olivia: I’m upstate.
Maria: I’m going to be staying in SoHo. I got an apartment right by Katz’s Deli. I’m going to be jammin’ on the piano and exploring the clubs.
I have a band called Not from Jersey.
Ms. Erika: Not from Joy-Zee.
Maria: I play jazz piano and sing. I also play the electric guitar. I’m a typical transperson. I can do hardcore jazz on the piano. I can also do heavy metal on the guitar.
Ms. Erika: Where does the name Not from Jersey come from. You have to say Joy-Zee. I’m originally from the Philadelphia area, so we know Joy-Zee.
Maria: People outside Jersey call it Joy-Zee.
Ms. Erika: Where did the band name come from?
Maria: It’s a funny little story
I love exploring different places, different states of being. Since I was a kid, I lived overseas. I lived in London where I could see Buckingham Palace from my window. I saw my first transvestite in Piccadilly Circus. I lived in Africa and went on Safari. I spent so much of my life on Safari. I had my first beer at the Great Pyramid of Giza with a belly dancer.
Ms. Erika: I’m so jealous.
Maria: One of those great experiences was I went to college in the midwest. That was another venue: London, Africa, the Midwest. In college, I met a truck driver and he asked where I was from. I said, “Jersey,” and he said, “Oh, my God. Everybody from Jersey is a crazy driver. When you cross the river, when you cross the Delaware River, everybody’s a son-of-a-bitch and a motherfucker.” It was so absurd. Everybody?
I said, “I have to write a song about this one.”
Flying down 80
Doing 95
Hole in my windshield,
Tears in my eyes.
Cops all around me.
But I didn’t mind.
I was heading
For the Jersey State line.
It’s a hard rock song.
It’s a ridiculous song. Basically the punchline is: if you do all these great things for me, you’re a great person. But you know what? You’re not from Jersey, so get the hell away from me! It’s completely ridiculous, utterly ridiculous.
I played it at a gig with my bass player and everybody loved the song. I said, “This was a joke. I was not planning on performing this in a few venues, but people just loved the song because it is so ridiculous.
It’s such a ridiculous band name. I start off my rock gigs like this:
“There are only three bands in the history of rock and roll and the name of the band is the name of one of their songs. Can you name all three?”
“Black Sabbath!”
Yup.
“Bad Company!”
“And not from Jersey!”
twanging the guitar
Maria Konner’s youtube channel Under the Golden Gate
Ms. Olivia: We are speaking with Maria Konner, author of the book Girl Shock: I dressed as a girl for Halloween but then she took over my life! Married to a ciswoman and a male lobbyist to transwoman living in San Francisco.
Maria, you were talking about your music. You have a YouTube channel and it’s called UndertheGoldenGate.
It is spectacular.
We will get to that more in just a second, but first, you have an original song you wrote and perform called Who You Really Are.
These are some of the lyrics:
I want to know who you really are
I want to show you my broken heart.
It’s what I really need to see
To know you
That song made me cry.
Maria: That’s really touching. I haven’t talked to anybody about that song because it’s extremely personal to me. The fact that you picked that one is giving me tears. It is the core of me.
Ms. Erika: Giving you hugs.
Maria: When you started singing, I thought, “Which song is that? Oh, my God.”
I’ve had to compartmentalize my life between love and lust. Lust is easy. I go out, get drunk, then whatever. Love is such a hard thing. So when I think about relationships, I’m very clear between the two. I have fuck buddies. I have sex and I’m not looking for any kind of romance. I was never like that, that isn’t what I am normally like, but for whatever reason, the universe dealt me a deck of cards and this is the hand I got.
I got so frustrated, and you can see in the song, with the pursuit of romance, I just can’t go there anymore. I don’t want to go there. If the universe tapped me on the shoulder and it fell in my lap, that’s great. But the pursuit of romance is such a hard thing. If you give it up, it’s transformative. It’s only when you give it up, living your life, then you come back to it, that is what the song is about.
Ms. Olivia: Buddhists believe all of life is suffering and as soon as you embrace suffering, suffering no longer has power over you.
Listeners, I promise we are going to get sexy and raunchy and slutty.
I know from talking to our girlfriends, this is very much on their minds and it’s a problem. It’s a problem that’s part and parcel of human existence. How do you get to know someone well enough to show them your broken pieces?
In Japanese culture, the broken parts of ceramic pots are repaired with gold piping. The pot is beautiful. It breaks and it is put back together with gold veins. It becomes beautiful in a whole new way.
Ms. Erika: That is so powerful.
Maria: There are so many thoughts. You have to be a whole person to know everybody’s had pain in their lives.
Physical attraction versus emotional attraction
Maria: Isn’t it unfortunate that the person you’re attracted to physically is very often not within your control? The odds of that being who you are spiritually connected to are small. That’s when the thought of the sapiosexual came in. The Dude is so into finding out who somebody is. It’s very hard to try and find love again.
So what advice can I give? We only live once. Try something else. Try to go through a different door. Maybe be a slut for a while. Not so many ways to say that, so I just came out and said it.
People ask me why I would, being a lobbyist, want to hang out with shemales and prostitutes and I tell them the world’s upside down and those are the people’s hearts you touch. That is the core insight of human nature you will find by the time you get to the top. The weight of the entire ocean is a weight on your shoulders. It’s like being on the bottom of the ocean where you can’t maneuver.
Wealth, kink, and sex on the downlow
Maria: I got one of those incredible insights from this very exclusive men’s club I used to go to. It was a very, very powerful men’s club. We’re talking about people you’ve heard of. I used to go there a lot and was always asked the same question. I was there as a musician and they were rich as shit.
I would always ask the same questions. “You guys have so much power. You can do anything with your life. Why don’t you fix the world?” They always gave me the same answer; “I would get fired if I even tried.”
Ms. Erika: You get fired and you don’t make as much money.
Maria: The Board of Directors will throw your ass out.
I asked, “What do you do? You’re sitting here at this pinnacle existence, where do you go from here?”
He says, “I’m sitting here with you right now at this club with all these musicians. This is what makes me happy.”
They always said the same thing. That’s why we go to this club, because it’s a club with incredibly powerful men and their secret is there are a lot of gay people in the club.
Gay people love the arts and they know how fucked up the world is. They know there’s nothing they can do about it. There’s a lot of kinky stuff going around and that is where you look into finding the apex of existence and the apex of knowledge before you die. Realizing the world is upside down and the richness you will find is in the most unusual of places. That is the biggest revelation in life.
That is part of the reason I wrote the book. I really wanted people to understand that.
Ms. Erika: So powerful. You see this from a different perspective than Olivia and me. On your YouTube channel, UnderTheGoldenGate, I love that tease, “Understanding men from a woman’s perspective,” and seeing men in a whole new light.
You touched on that earlier, but tell us the difference in how you interact with the world as a woman and as a man and what you’ve learned from the woman’s perspective.
Male presenting versus female view of the world
Maria: The biggest difference is, as a woman, I don’t have to work to get people to be interested in me. I can act exactly as I want to act. I can express joy. I can be outrageous. I can tell you how I feel. I can say something funny and people will want to interact with me.
As a guy, you’re invisible. How do you attract women when you are a guy? How do you get people attracted to you? Some guys are naturally good-looking.
When I am out as a T-girl, I am shining a lot more than when I am a guy. I used to think The Dude was the bright, shiny light with all his knowledge and energy and he could do so many more things. I thought Maria was a pink filter.
Now I’m thinking Maria is the light and The Dude is the red filter. I could spend three hours talking about it. It’s a complete shift. I don’t want to make it sound like I’m on this power trip, but the fact remains that when you’re a woman, you have so much more power.
Ms. Erika: Can you say that again, darling? Shout it from the rooftops.
Ms. Olivia: Say that again.
Maria: I understand the power of a man very, very well, all different kinds. I know the weaknesses that men and women have… it’s so powerful I can’t even describe it. You have so much more power than men do when it comes to things that really matter. You understand the soul and where we are going.
I don’t know why it’s so hard for women to be on equal footing or why the power is being squashed. I need to know.
Ms. Olivia: I don’t know either, but I can tell you for a fact that getting into the kink world and finding out I was a Dominant and then becoming a Femdom professionally, something about the act of being paid is a whole new level. I stepped into my fucking power. If I had known this shit when I was 20, I would be ruling the world.
Maria: They say you couldn’t have absorbed it, or you didn’t have the experience.
Ms. Olivia: I’m a very quick learner and I think I could have absorbed a lot of it.
Maria: Even if you absorbed half of it.
I was sitting at a bar and I met a teacher and the subject of what I would teach kids if I could teach them one thing. She said make it really good and I’ll buy you a drink.
Here’s the lesson, listening kids? You don’t need to learn anything else. I’m going to teach you something that’s going to blow your fucking minds, something you won’t learn until you are 40-years old. Ready? Put on your seatbelts. They purposefully do not teach you in school.
Follow the money.
Ms. Olivia: But, hold it lightly. Follow it, but don’t covet it. Don’t become a slave, don’t submit to the money.
Maria: I need to explain it better. If you’re confused about why people are behaving a certain way and you’re investigating, trying to understand somebody else’s behavior? Follow the money.
Femdom and feminine power dynamics
Ms. Olivia: Erika, has your own relationship with your feminine power changed because you started being a Femdom doing distance domination? Doing what we do on the phone?
Ms. Erika: It has brought me more peace. What I mean by that is I always felt things were not right in the world. I was told to be a good girl and good girls do certain things. You act a certain way if you want to get friends and do things. If you want a husband, you do things. All these societal conditionings. I’ve never really absorbed all of that and drank the Kool Aid. I always thought that my feelings and how I thought the world was off the mainstream.
But when I step into doing what I do now and I’ve taken my life experience and molded it into a career, it feels right. It feels like I’ve come home. It’s how it should be, that women are powerful.
Now, listen to this. When a star football player uses his ability to earn multi-million dollars, why are women told they cannot use their physicality, their sexuality, to rule the world? I say we can do both.
We can be intelligent. We can be drop-dead gorgeous. We can have it all. We don’t have to put away our sexuality because men say, “That’s not appropriate.”
Ms. Olivia: I say if they can’t fucking keep up, then they better get off to the side. We’re coming straight down the road.
Maria: Think about your impact. You also have indirect influence, a wife who has the power telling a husband what to do.
As I’m looking at it, I hope the world becomes more feminized. That might not be the right word.
Straight men and their attraction to transwomen
Maria: When I go to a club, so many straight guys want to check this out. I hook up. I gave a guy a blow job who hadn’t had one in 12 years in his marriage. I have only been with straight guys. I have been with one gay man who was a Marine.
They just love it. The more hardcore straight, the more you love it.
Ms. Olivia: We are speaking with Maria Konner, author of the book Girl Shock: I dressed as a girl for Halloween but then she took over my life! The journey from married to a ciswoman and a male lobbyist to transwoman living in San Francisco.The book is available on Amazon and local bookstores. Do a search of her name or go to her website, MariaKonner.com. It’s a portal to all things Maria.
I want to go back to your YouTube channel. You do a lot of original things. We’ve gotten so serious, so now we are going to get raunchy, trashy again.
This particular song, Tinder and Grindr, had me laughing out loud.
Tinder and Grindr
Make me a match
Find me a cock
Give me some snatch
Maria:
Night after night
I’m surfing for porn
But I just want
A body that’s warm.
Tinder and Grinder
I’ll bring the whip
You have a swing
Be sure of the grip
I love jazzing it up
Ms. Olivia: You are the trans porn version of Tom Lehrer.
Maria: I’m playing piano in San Francisco on Sunday night, every second Sunday. I’m doing a song that I wrote called Pain and Pleasure. It’s raunchy and about BDSM, an original song.
You asked about singing. What is the key to doing a great performance or a good song? You can either do a song people can dance to, but I don’t do dance music. You can do pop songs, but I don’t do those either. Or you can do a raunchy song. This is a raunchy song.
Skin against my flesh
Whip against leather
I want to feel the pain
Makes my pleasure
The pain is getting better
As you’re tying me down
Ms. Erika: Do we have to pay you for this performance, darling? This is fantastic.
Maria: If you want piano, I have a grand piano sitting right here. I love doing these raunchy things.
Ms. Olivia: Listeners, Maria’s not kidding. There was a video, there are several videos, I’ve not been able to catch them all, where Danarama & Jane Wiedlin whip you.
Maria: From the Go-Go’s.
BDSM exploration as a transwoman
Ms. Erika: In your journey to explore your sexuality and Maria, tell us about your interest in impact play. Was that something fun and playful for you? Do you like impact play?
Maria: I do like impact play. I’m trying to remember when I realized I liked it. The first time that sort of door opened was when I was in New York City in a cross-dress store, a boutique that a lot of Wall Streeters went to. They put a corset on me and I told them it was pretty, but for $150, it wasn’t worth it. She said, “I haven’t tightened it yet.” I didn’t know anything about them. I was looking in the mirror and this T-girl that worked at the boutique came up behind me and pulled the laces and my corset shrunk, I felt something I had never felt before.
I thought, “I don’t know what this is, but I can get this a lot easier than I can get cuddles and love.” I got goosebumps and I wanted to be bound.
When somebody starts spanking me, it wasn’t until I was encouraged by my producer to meet this Dominatrix you saw in the video. She started hitting me. I was curious about it. When she hit me, it was like crack cocaine or meth, whatever the worst drug is. Don’t try meth. Get spanked instead.
Ms. Olivia: Can I just say, when I was watching Jane Wiedlin do that to you, I will never hear the Go-Go’s singing We Got the Beat, I will never hear that the same again. I’m like, “You got the beat, baby.”
Maria: She was so great to do that. She is such an amazing person. I write about her in the book. She just glows. She’s a very small, petite person physically, but my God, she is the coolest person I’ve ever met. She’s so nice. She’s so friendly and she just glows.
Ms. Olivia: She’s like a wicked, sexy pixie.
Maria: It really was a privilege. I’ve played piano for her, too. When I played piano for her, I was so nervous. I didn’t want to screw up. She’s a Grammy-winning frickin’ rock star. I was so nervous because we didn’t get to practice until an hour before the show. Here I was sitting down, and you know how life throws you curve balls all the time, I asked Jane, “Is my piano playing okay? I’m so nervous.” She looks at me and says, “Are you crazy? You’re fucking amazing. Is my singing okay?” She was nervous and I was calming her down. She was so humble.
Sometimes you just don’t know what to expect. But, yeah, that was fun getting beat. I was on the St. Andrew’s Cross. I love getting beaten.
Danarama is like a kink professor. He will tell you about the chemistry of the endorphins that come out when a Dominatrix beats the shit out of you.
Ms. Erika: I’m a nerd when it comes to stuff like that, so I loved it.
Maria: He’ll tell you it’s a benzene ring with a nitrogen molecule.
Ms. Erika: I just call them sex hormones. Sexy juice. Get that sexy juice flowin’.
Maria: There are so many things that people can dabble in with sex but haven’t. Part of my motivation for the book is I really think there are so many people who could be liberated. We only live once. Not only will you experience these feelings you haven’t before, but it will free your soul. I’m not exaggerating. It will trickle down to everything you do. The world is upside down.
If you feel persecuted for not being able to tell your feelings at work or in your relationships, remember, you have the power. You have the power and that means getting beaten up on your own terms.
Favorite kink play
Ms. Erika: We’ve talked about your crossdressing and Maria. We’ve talked about flogging and other spanking I’ve witnessed that you had inflicted upon you. What would you say are your two or top two favorite kinky activities that you enjoy?
Maria: That I want to do more? Or that I do on a regular basis? This is in the category of, “Should I tell people this?”
Ms. Erika: It’s just between us, Maria. We know lots of people’s secrets. Nobody else will know.
Maria: I’ve done this in various forms only once, but it hasn’t been with you guys.
Ms. Olivia: Do you want to be spitroasted?
Maria: What’s that?
Ms. Olivia: Oh, honey! Oh, spitroasted. Up on all fours, a cock in your mouth, a cock in your pussy. Spitroasted.
Maria: Yeah. I think so. How did you know?
Ms. Olivia: I’ve done that before. That’s fun.
Maria: I want a guy fucking me. I want to amp it up a little bit. I want to have four guys cum on my face at the same time.
Ms. Erika: That’s a Tuesday at the Enchantrix Empire, darling. We do that all the time.
Maria: Wow.
Ms. Erika: We do fantasies with clients a lot. That is a must-do for the naughtiest.
First time blow job when he comes in her mouth
Maria: A big event in the book was the first time a guy came in my mouth. I get so excited about it, even now. It’s like everything else. What about it did I not expect? I did not realize it was going to be warm. That sounds ridiculous.
Ms. Erika: It’s coming out of a body that’s 98 degrees.
Maria: It’s so fucking nuts.
Ms. Erika: It would freak me out if it was cold.
Ms. Olivia: But we do tell people to make cum ice cubes and during the fantasy, they will put those cum ice cubes in their mouths.
Maria: Really? Oh, my God. Every time I hear something like this, I think to myself, “I’m going to have to do that about 40 times.”
Ms. Olivia: Yes, you have to do that. Don’t just do it with your cum. Have other people visit and fill up one of those tiny ice cube trays that have designs.
Ms. Erika: Penis ice cubes.
What size breasts should a transwoman get?
Maria: The other thing, and we are going to turn the volume up to 11 here, I want to get my tits done and have eight guys cum in my mouth and let it drip down my chin and onto my fucking tits.
Ms. Olivia: What size tits? That’s always the question.
Maria: What size do I want? Or what size can I actually get?
Ms. Olivia: What size do you want?
Maria: I want a DDD.
Ms. Erika: Of course you do, darling.
Ms. Olivia: What is your band size?
Maria: I wear a 42 DDD.
Ms. Olivia: Look at E or EE. I can send you lots of links for a 42 band size. I think E’s are perfect. I think with your stature, you could absolutely do that. Or, with the DDD, use a chicken cutlet to prop them up. Go big or go home, bitch.
Maria: If you’re gonna do it, girl, do it.
I was in Las Vegas for a week about a month ago. I want to go to Vegas, get my huge tits, play piano in a great gown. I want to be a cocktail waitress for a week just for fun. I want to blow guys in the bathroom. I don’t know what’s driving me to do this. I want to lick the cum off the bottom of a barrel. I went a little bit too far there.
It is so stifling at the top, at the apex of the world with all the bullshit. I feel the need to live in the gutter because I don’t think there is anything else real.
Ms. Erika: I understand what you mean. We deal with similar desires every day. You used the term “gutter” as a not-friendly term, I like to think of the gutter as a nice place to be. Some people listening to the podcast might be “Ewww, gross.,” but just like the word “Bitch,” I own that. People use that word as a derogatory word because they have nothing else to say, are not intelligent enough to come up with a retort. So they call a woman a bitch.
People refer to the gutter when we’re all having crazy ass fucking sex and having a great time.
Sexual desires and safety
Maria: One of the biggest challenges for me right now is the shit I want to do. I want to go to New York. I plan on having a lot of sex in New York. I still have the sense, “I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Ms. Erika: Be safe. Be sane. Consensual.
Maria: I’m on PrEP. I’ve got that covered. I just need to have so many guys fuck me. I don’t even feel dirty anymore. I feel like it’s normal.
There is a sense of it being wrong, not a moral or religious thing, it’s just a program running in my lower brain stem since I was a kid and I need to reprogram it. They say the bottom of your brain isn’t nearly as plastic as the top of your brain.
Your feelings are in your limbic system, your reptilian brain is not plastic. It takes many years to change.
The idea of being with so many guys, I want to get into a headspace that says, “I want to know who that girl is.” I want to talk to other people who have been there. I want to know what it’s like to live on the beach.
Ms. Olivia: There is a fabulous quote by Hunter S. Thompson, the original Gonzo journalist, that says:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! What a Ride!’”
Maria: That’s a great quote. That’s so true.
I was talking to my friend who is also my producer, Dan, and we were talking about if I had never left the suburbs., so many of my friends are going off the deep end in politics. All the bullshit. A lot of them, their lives have no meaning. As I get older, what would I be doing? Who would I be? What would I be like now?
I just recorded my audio book, literally, this week. Do you listen to a lot of audio books?
Ms. Olivia: I do.
Ms. Erika: I read a lot, but not audio books.
Why phone sex can be powerful and intense
Maria: As a writer, I didn’t grok how different the audio book experience would be. It’s completely different because I am delivering emotions above and beyond the word.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, yes. It’s like a fucking new book.
Maria: Even the breath, the way you breathe is an element of communication. I wondered if I should include the breath or should I filter it out? The feeling was transformative. I wish people could enjoy their undiscovered power.
Ms. Olivia: You have discovered the power that we know through phone sex and having erotic conversations. We joke around and have fun and then, when we get down to business and use our voices as the flogger or the paddle or the strapon, the voice becomes the mechanism that is incredibly powerful.
Maria: The power, as a man and as trans, just being around Dominatrixes and female power, so many men want that and don’t have that in their lives. The feeling you get with a Dominatrix is unbelievable. In some cases, it’s the only person you’re ever going to be honest with. I don’t even tell my therapist these things.
Ms. Erika: Absolutely. I talk to many clients who say, “I don’t even tell my therapist this.”
Maria: In the book I talk about Divas and the great thing about Divas… thank you, by the way, for reading my book.
Ms. Olivia: We’re your biggest fans, but we have a noose on you.
Maria: Erika, where are you?
Ms. Erika: I’m in my office.
Maria: I’m on the planet earth. I’m in the solar system.
Ms. Erika: I am in Florida.
Maria: Where are you in Florida?
Ms. Erika: Just above the frenulum.
Maria: Is that an altitude?
Ms. Olivia: It’s the sweet spot on a cock.
Ms. Erika: I love Florida so much.
Ms. Olivia: That’s the first time I have ever heard you say that.
Maria: Is that the armpit?
Ms. Erika: I say that to clients all the time. “Where are you from?” “Florida.” “Where in Florida?” “Oh, just above the frenulum.”
One reason I moved to Florida, and there are probably 1000, but one reason is it is a big phallic state and it reminds me of a penis.
Google frenulum of the penis.
Maria: You’re not a fan of the dick, the D as I call it.
Ms. Erika: I fucking love cock, baby. I fucking love it.
Ms. Olivia: She’s never been with a woman. I’m going to pop her girl cherry.
I am bi. I like boys, girls, trans, people who don’t know who I can inspire. I like to gender bend and am a self-proclaimed slut.
Maria: Are you a brass slut? A gold slut? Or a platinum slut?
Ms. Olivia: It depends on the circumstances.
Maria: I wrote about that in the book A brass means you have slept with a certain number of people. Silver means you’ve slept with more women or men in one month than most have in their entire lives. Platinum means you have lost count. Platinum Plus means over 1000.
Ms. Olivia: Here’s the thing. I have not lost count of the fetish sex, sex at conventions or play parties. I don’t think it is platinum, but I think just me as me with sex, I’m not sure exactly. If I’m not sure I’ve lost count, I’ve probably lost count.
Maria: We were talking about Divas and the reason I brought that up was the problem of meeting people in public. When I moved here, having a transexual bar two blocks from here, I went from my house to the golf course with the frogs to living two blocks away from the transexual bar where you can go in there and discover who you were. We don’t have that anymore.
First time going out fully dressed en femme
Ms. Olivia: Maria, talk about the first time you dressed fully as Maria and went out alone. Describe that walk you described in the book. Describe that two block walk.
Maria: I’m sitting in the same apartment building with the same view. Imagine me being two blocks away from Divas. I could see the roof of Divas. Between me and Divas is a block and a half with a bunch of homeless people and an empty parking lot. I’m scared shitless.
But I am so determined to do this by myself because I needed to be able to go to that transexual bar by myself and free myself up. There was a dangerous bridge and I had to cross it to get to the enchanted island. I was so nervous about that walk.
I scoped it out a week ahead of time at night, looking for escape routes. It was like a military thing. I had my money belt attached to my pantyhose just in case I got mugged.
Imagine my mindset.
I had been to Divas a few times, but I really needed to go by myself. I walked downstairs, really stoned. I go out the back door on Polk Street and there are all kinds of shady characters out there. I don’t know what they’re going to do and I’m about to open the door, my heart pounds. I am so afraid.
I push the door open and I feel the beautiful cool air. The air is so alive. I am still scared. The first couple who walked by didn’t even notice me. Then as I start walking, people start smiling at me. I am still scared shitless, but regular people were smiling. I couldn’t believe how safe I felt even as I walked past that empty lot that I canvassed 100 times.
There were so many people around and they said, “You look great.” I didn’t even think about the parking lot. It was like opening a door and expecting it to be 100 degrees and it was 20 degrees. It was completely different.
I still had the homeless people to worry about. They were on the other block. I was building up some confidence, but I was still scared. There was one traffic light between me and Divas and I thought, “Please, please, please don’t turn red. I don’t want to be standing on the corner looking like a transexual hooker on my first night by myself.”
I could see I wasn’t going to make the light. If I was a dude, I could run and make the light, but not in heels. I started accepting the fact that I was going to be standing on a street corner looking like a transexual prostitute. I started whistling a song.
I wrote a song about this walk called Living as a Girl, which I will get to in a second. I’m standing there at the traffic light, really nervous because I’m looking like a hooker. Imagine that I’m by myself and there’s other people at the light and all of a sudden they are like, “Oh, my God! You look great, girl.”
My nervousness dissolved because people were waving at me from a car. They were staring at me, but there was so much positive energy. I still had the homeless people to worry about, so I crossed the street and I thought, “Oh, shit. The homeless people.” They started whistling at me. “Hey, girl!” I completely forgot I was nervous. I’ve been living in this neighborhood so many years, everyone has been nothing but nice to me. We color their world. I had not thought of them as people before. I grew up differently.
And then I get to Divas and that’s a whole other story that I could talk about for hours..
The fact that I now had a way to get to Divas and back, the next time out, I didn’t even bring the money belt and all those precautions. I felt so safe and so loved. I could not wait to get out on the street to help people smile.
Ms. Olivia: That particular story is at the beginning of the book Girl Shock! I dressed as a girl for Halloween but then she took over my life! by author Maria Konner.
We have been speaking to Maria during this podcast and hearing all of these fabulous stories and songs and everything. Her website is MariaKonner.com and her YouTube channel is UnderTheGoldenGate.
Here is how you get in touch with us.
My email is Olivia@EnchantrixEmpire.com. My Twitter is MistressOlivia1 and my blog is ExperiencedMistress.com.
Ms. Erika: My email is Erika@EnchantrixEmpire.com, my Twitter is ErikaEnchantrix and my blog is IntelligentPhoneFantasy.com.
Maria, this was fantastic.
Ms. Olivia: Remember to show The Weekly Hot Spot some love. Subscribe, like, and comment wherever you listen to us, whether that is Amazon, Apple podcasts, or any other platforms you might use. We are moving up the charts with your help. Keep subscribing!
Erika, I’m going to give you the final question and you touched on it a tiny little bit before.
Ms. Erika: You mentioned in your book, earlier in 2018, that you weren’t sure if your life as a female was an endgame or an experiment. It’s almost 2022. Have you figured it out or are you like most of us, still a work in progress?
Maria: I think I figured it out. There are still certain aspects that are uncertain. For some reason the female side of me is who I am and how people know me. That’s a fact. I can still be either male or female. I’m perfectly fine and it depends on the situation, whether I want to get work done and make money, I have to be a guy.
I’ve been trying to figure out why people like me better as a woman. I don’t know why, but at some point, you just don’t ask questions.
That part of it, essentially who I am when I go out, the question becomes “Do I want to be Maria all the time?” That’s a big question in my mind. I don’t have any burning need to do it. I don’t worry about it when I’m sitting at home working, but what’s interesting is I work in tech and I really don’t want to do that anymore.
Maria is a vampire. If I was out and could get a job and was able to bring Maria out during the day and not just be a fetish or kinkster and I could work and be out, that would be different.
If I could be a fundraiser for suicide prevention, that would be so transformative on a different level. Whether or not I presented as Maria would no longer be important. I was a guy because it was easier. I have no reason to be a guy now. It’s easier being a man. That’s the only reason I am still a man. It’s easier. If I have the power of both, why would I give that up?
The reason is I want big tits.
Ms. Olivia: That is the perfect place to end the podcast, Maria. You have to come back. You are a gem, a delight. We love your thoughtfulness, your brains, your naughtiness, your ability to say FUCK in 16 different intonations and each one oo! Oo!
Maria: I am a musician.
Thank you Olivia and Erika for reaching out. It’s really fantastic talking with you both. I am happy to come back. What’s more fun than finding people you like and talking sex at the same time?
Ms. Olivia: We like to say we are therapists who might, or might not, provide a happy ending.
Thank you and thank you to our listeners as well. Until we meet again! Go be fabulous and thank you so much.
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