We are often asked, how do I get my wife interested in chastity? That’s a great question and the topic of today’s episode. Mrs. Mature Metal wasn’t even kinky, let alone a chastity Queen, until her husband got her into the chastity scene. She tells us what worked and why. You can read and/or listen to the episode in this edition of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast on chastity.
Ms. Olivia: Welcome to the Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation, BDSM advice and insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. I’m Mistress Olivia here with Ms. Erika and I’m super excited about today’s guest.
Ms. Erika: Me too! And our guest is Mrs. Mature Metal. Welcome! Did you ever think you would be introduced as Mrs. Mature Metal?
Mrs. MM: Oh my God, no, that’s the running joke. If you asked me, you know, 20 years ago, what are you going to be doing in five years? This would not be my answer.
Ms Erika: (laugher) One of our most popular episodes is all about chastity with your wonderful husband, William, the creator and the maker of the Mature Metal chastity cages. He told us that he was always like a little on the kinky side and you were pretty vanilla.
Is that how you would describe yourself back then?
Husband into kink with a vanilla wife
Mrs. MM: Take the word pretty out and put very, very, very, very vanilla.
Ms. Olivia: So he actually said you were very vanilla. Erika just kind of softened that a little bit to say pretty vanilla.
Mrs. MM: No, it was all capital letters, some exclamation points vanilla.
Ms. Erika: OK, was it grab your pearls, clutch your pearls, church lady vanilla?
Mrs. MM: No, not really. I mean, it was curiosity, but never acting on it.
Ms. Erika: That’s a good word, Olivia. Did you hear that? Curiosity.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, yes, indeed. So speaking of vanilla, let’s just talk about gradations of vanilla.
The thing that just sticks in my mind from William’s interview was when he said when we would watch porn and she would skip ahead to the dialogue. And I said, what the fuck? Who does that?
I have this mental image of William and you sitting there looking at him and saying, “Well, don’t you want to know what happens?
Ms. Erika: Oh, my gosh, he’s in trouble now!
Mrs. MM: No, it’s fantastic and true!
Ms Olivia: All joking aside, this is very important to our listeners because we’re talking about chastity. And very rarely can you have a frank and open and fun discussion about it.
Mrs. MM: That’s true. I went, “What are you talking about?” when he told me what he was going to make.
Ms Erika: There you go!
Common BDSM kink questions
Ms Olivia: This really is serious to a lot of people that call us because one of the most common questions that we get is something along the lines of how can I get my vanilla wife interested in kink, BDSM, being my Mistress, being a Femdom, and putting me into chastity?
What did he do right about getting you from being pretty vanilla to being a chastity keyholder.
Mrs. MM: He put on a cage. That is God’s honest truth.
Ms Olivia: Huh? What?
Mrs. MM: That’s it. He put on a cage and asked me to hold the key. I was like, no so he left it on the bathroom counter.
And after about a week, all of a sudden, one day, the light went off. I saw the change in him. And I said, “What’s wrong with you?” Because he sat down on the floor by my feet.
Chastity and submission
Mrs. MM: He’s always been affectionate, you know, and stuff, but not like that. And then he looked down, he goes, you know, it’s the cage. And I’m like, OK, bring me that key. And that was, oh, 15 plus years ago.
Ms Erika: I love that story.
Ms Olivia: It is so fantastic. And what I took from it, and I hope some of the listeners take from it, is that I don’t hear any bugging you about it.
Mrs. MM: Oh, not at all. You know, a lot of times in relationships, you feel that pressure.
Ms Erika: So I love that he said, hey, this is what I’m into and then left it alone and lived the life instead of trying to instigate that life.
Mrs. MM: That is true. You should see my emails because that’s what I get all the time.
How do I turn my wife into someone kinky? And I always say well, you can’t force her, but you need to show your actions and then she’ll see the light. And then you better be careful what you wish for.
Strategy of communication for getting her into kink
Ms Olivia: I really want to emphasize something. Listeners, did you hear what Mrs. Mature Metal just said? What Erika said? What I also said? What you have heard countless times on this podcast. If you want a woman to do anything, like just drop it out there and then walk away. If she’s interested, trust me, she will let you know. But if you push her, well …. Listen, women are like cats we are ornery fucking creatures. If you push us, we will get ornery just for the mere sake of being ornery.
Ms Erika: Had he talked to you about it, I guess he had. I mean, the two of you were watching porn. He told you some about his kinky past and stuff, right?
Mrs. MM: A little tiny, tiny, tiny bit. I mean, I went straight from my parents house to live with him. So, I mean, I was young and he’s seven, eight years older than me.
Patience pays off when exploring BDSM and kink
Ms Olivia: That’s another good point, he did not kink dump you.
Mrs. MM: Right. He was very, very probably overly patient.
Ms Erika: You know, here’s the thing, men. Personally, I think it is not possible to be overpatient with your partner. If you really legitimately want to get her into kink. It needs to be a safe place.
Ms Olivia: Now, if you’re just kind of pissed off at your wife and you want to make her wrong and be like, oh, my wife, she’s not into whatever, whatever. Call us up and complain. That’s fine but after a certain point, Erika and I are going to say, shut the fuck up.
Ms Erika: We don’t like it so stop it. Don’t even talk to us about being submissive.
Ms Olivia: If you’re a dick to your wife, you’re not submissive. We can do a fantasy. But don’t you tell us that you want to be this submissive man, but you can’t do it because your wife doesn’t understand.
Ms Erika: You’re not doing it right then. If you’re doing it right, oh, she’ll get it loud and clear.
Kink advice from a formerly vanilla wife
Ms Olivia: So describe from your point of view, what’s the right way to do it? And remember, some of these people are masturbating while listening to this. Because they’re not locked in a chastity cage. Some people are not paying a whole lot of attention. So break it down, like really small words, simple sentences, put the dots very close together.
Know your partner when asking her for chastity
Mrs. MM: I mean, you have to know your partner. You know, you got to know what she favors you know, to help out or whatever the case may be.
Bring flowers just out of the norm. Hey, I’m thinking about you.
Send a cute text. Not one that says, “Hey, you’re going to suck my dick tonight?” Not that, but you know something like, “How’s your day?”
Ms Olivia: We’re laughing, but this is the kind of detail that they really need to hear.
Mrs MM: I’ll talk to customers. I hate that word but what else can I say? Friends, you know, folks that wear a cage that we made. And I’m like, yeah, you probably shouldn’t do that when they tell me what they did. Or why don’t you try this? Or, you know, I need a therapy hat. Sometimes you feel like that, too.
Ms Erika: I was going to say here you could borrow mine. You can give them the link to this podcast. It’s simple, right?
Make your potential keyholder feel special
Mrs. MM: Really simple if they would think about it. I don’t know if they think it’s too hard or they think too much. Do cute little things that will make her feel good.
Ms Olivia: It doesn’t have to be materialistic things.It doesn’t have to be expensive things. I mean, do the damn dishes.
Mrs. MM: If I didn’t have to do the dishes, well, William does do the dishes, so I can’t complain there. But, you know, if I didn’t have to vacuum and he did it, I’d be like, well, that was really sweet. It’s just a little special extra touch to make me think he’s thinking of me.
Ms Olivia: And let me also point this out. What Mrs. Mature Metal is saying look at what makes her feel special, not what makes you feel special in relationship to her.
So, for example, someone who gives his partner lingerie so that she can put it on and suck his dick. That’s fun. OK, like I’m a fan of lingerie and stuff. But if it’s for me now, I might want the lingerie or I might want a baseball book.
Mrs. MM: Yeah, he really knows me.
Ms Olivia: There’s someone who periodically sends me Amazon gift cards with the gift cards. I set up Kindle and I’ve got all of these BDSM books, baseball books, all of this stuff. And I love that about him, right? None of it is sexual. But, every time I read something it makes me think of him and that thinking of him I also think of him sexually.
Ms Erika: Why do you think that disconnect is for some men? Because you get their letters and stuff, Mrs. MM.
Be patient with your vanilla partner if you really want her to embrace your kink
Mrs. MM: You know, I think I think they’re impatient and want to go from zero to 100 in a day. It takes time, a lot of time in my case. You know, you can’t do things overnight. You cannot change a person overnight. But I guarantee you, if you do things right, they will change.
Ms. Erika: Perfect. And it’s OK if it takes time.
Mrs. MM: Oh, yes. I mean, if you’re in this for the long haul and in a relationship, you have all the time in the world.
Ms. Erika: And imagine looking back on your journey and feeling so much joy that I hear from you, Mrs. M.M., regarding your journey.
Mrs. MM: Was it, you know, all peaches and cream? No, of course not. No, no journey is. But now that you look back at the effort that was put into what you have as a lifestyle now, it so enriches your experience.
You know, no marriage is 100 percent unicorns and rainbows. None. And, you know, the stuff that you get into at the beginning, you’re probably not doing now. You’re doing different stuff.
Ms. Olivia: So it’s that you’re always learning. That’s the key to any relationship. I’m polyamorous and any relationship that I’m in, if it lasts, it’s because the two people are growing, not just as a couple, but individually. I’ll say to someone, hey, I just got into this. What do you think about this? And then it’s like, oh, and we start talking like it has to be a little bit more to have the full experience and real intimacy with someone, I think.
Ms. Erika: You said you tell your people, I’m into this. I tell people what we do and they look at me like I have three heads.They don’t understand it.
Mrs. MM: No, we’re the fun ones. And you have to get to that part of your journey when people’s “What are you doing? What, huh?” doesn’t bother you.It doesn’t speak to who you are. You’re confident and secure in a loving relationship. So their barbs cannot penetrate.
Ms Erika: Exactly.
Questions about chastity
Ms Olivia: So we’re going to go back and forth between your experience and your advice to others. I have a lot of posts about chastity on my blog Experienced Mistress. Ms Erika also has multiple posts on her blog Intelligent Phone Fantasy. And, we both talk with a lot of people so we have a bunch of questions for listeners.
This question is:
“When I tried to talk with my partner about chastity, she asked why after all this time of air quotes, normal vanilla sex, do I suddenly want to wear a chastity cage?”
What would you say to that partner? The partner that wants to wear the cage is going over and beyond to please their partner.
Mrs. MM: You know, it’s not all about them. They’re focusing on you. So you should be, you know, that’s fabulous. I get even more attention and more special treatment. So I’d be all for that.
Ms. Erika: Would it be fair to say a response to this question from her? What would he say back to her? Maybe it’s not really all that sudden. It could be that it is a part of them that they’ve now found themselves in a relationship where they trust enough to share this need with that other person. And that doesn’t come overnight either.
Men often think and practice and play with their kink before they even introduce it to a partner. So I think the answer would be fair to say it isn’t all of a sudden. It’s gotten to a point where I feel comfortable and trusting in order to share this part of my needs with you.
Ms. Olivia: Exactly. Communication.
Cuckold fantasy and communication
Ms Olivia: Let’s take the cuckold fantasy. For a vanilla woman, it’s like a husband who comes and says, listen, I know I can’t please you. If you want to be with someone else, I am, I think the cuckold fantasy or the cuckold lifestyle is hot. And I would like to do that. The woman’s immediate reaction often, 90%, if she’s vanilla is, oh no, why do you want to do that? Or are we having an open marriage? She says that because she doesn’t have any understanding of what it means.
And what I love about what Erika said is, hey, I trust you enough now to tell you this because isn’t that the role and function of a key holder?
Mrs. MM: My God, what a vulnerable position. William put himself in to expose himself like that to you and say, this is what I want. Yeah, it’s it’s a fun, very fun dynamic we have.
Starting the Mature Metal making custom chastity cages
Ms Erika: How do you feel about chastity now versus before William was locked? And did he say anything at all before he just showed up and plopped the key on the counter?
Mrs. MM: No, he never mentioned it. You know, I was young, didn’t really know much about what it was to do and all that stuff.
So he’s like, I’m going to make these like, why are you going to make those? Nobody’s going to wear them. Nobody’s going to buy them. What are you talking about? So he’s like, no, I’m going to do this.
So he’s always been handy and creative, and he did. And then he started wearing one. And I’m like, oh, my God. What does this mean? What am I supposed to do with this? By that time, this was 10, 12 years into our marriage, if not more than that, I guess probably 12 ish years. You know, still vanilla.
Ms Erika: What is your favorite thing about your husband being in chastity for you?
Mrs. MM: Most people cannot live with them 24/7 and work with them 24/7. The shop is literally 10 steps out the back door. So we are together all the time. And I love it.
Chastity games
Ms. Olivia: Do you play any chastity related games with him?
Mrs. MM: Yes and no. More probably years ago but since we started he’s always been in something. He’ll either be in a locking cock ring or a cock ring or a spider cage.
But my favorite thing is the locking cock ring because I can play with him, I can edge him and stuff with that.
So do I play actual games? No, not as much as I should or as much as I did.
Would she be a keyholder to other chastity pets?
Ms Olivia: But the important thing is that’s your dynamic, right? That’s how it rolls out into your lifestyle.
Ms Erika: And some couples do like different types of games. William trusts you immensely, as it’s evidenced through getting to know both of you. Being a key holder requires a lot of trust in somebody. Would you ever consider holding keys for anyone else?
Mrs. MM: I have. And I do it because I like it. I don’t do it as a job. I don’t do it for many. You know, after answering all these emails back and forth, back and forth and talking to people on the phone, you become friends. So yeah, I have done it in the past. And would I do it in the future? Absolutely, if I bonded with that person.
Ms Olivia: That surprises me. I was assuming that you were going to say no. Erika, didn’t you think she was going to say no?
Ms Erika: Yes. Well, yes and no. Now that she said it, I’m not too surprised. Yes, probably at one point I would expect her to say no. But getting to know William and Mrs. Mature Metal and knowing their business model and the great customer service that they give.
I mean, Olivia, we have clients that have bought cages and gotten resized and they are just dreams to work with. It makes sense that they would develop these relationships similar to what we do with our clients.
It’s a little bit more than just phone sex or holding their key. It’s really a friendship and a bonding that happens sometimes.
Chastity, intimacy and relationships
Mrs. MM: It is. We have a couple that are dear, dear, dear friends of ours. We vacationed with them. We see them once a year. They came to our son’s wedding. And people go, well, how do you meet them? And you’re like, I don’t remember. It was at a workshop. We met him at a workshop.
Popularity of Chastity
Ms Olivia: Based on your experience, do you think couples are engaging in chastity more?
Mrs. MM: Oh, yes. I don’t even know how many of them are out there. When we started, there were like three custom people, cage makers that made them. And now I know there’s more, but yes, if we are staying busy and everybody else is staying busy and they’re not ordering the molded plastic made in another country, then, yeah, it is very popular. Very, very, very, very popular.
And it even got more popular in March of 2020 with what was going on with COVID because everybody was staying home and everybody figured out what everybody does when they’re not with their spouse or their girlfriend or their boyfriend.
Ms Olivia: That’s a really good point. How did you find out about that?
Mrs. MM: About the sales? I’m like, we’re going to sink or swim and sales went off the chart. People were home and stuff. You had nothing to do but talk.
Ms Erika: Right.
Ms Olivia: I’m bored. Let’s lock up your cock. Ring, ring, mature metal.
Mrs. MM: Yeah, it was fun. I’ve talked with some of the wives or girlfriends, after their partners talk to them.
Mr. Olivia: Sometimes Erika and I will talk to the female of the partnership. Do women call you?
Mrs. MM: You know, I don’t talk to many females because I don’t know if they’re shy or what. When I was vanilla, I probably wouldn’t talk to myself either. But it’s always the guys. And when I answer the phone, they’ll be like, and then they’ll kind of talk. And I’m like, look, if you can’t talk to us, who are you going to talk to? And then they, you know, have diarrhea of the mouth. So I hear all kinds of stuff.
Ms Olivia: Now, Mrs. Mature Metal, here’s what you do. Say if you’re shy about talking to us, call Erika or Olivia 1-800-601-6975. It’s $2.99 a minute with a 10 minute minimum.
Okay I’m joking but seriously, there are questions all the time. So feel free to get in touch with either of them. And they will, like, walk you through all of this.
Sizing for a chastity cage
Ms. Erika: I have given many pets your sizing page and told them to check out because it’s probably the best succinct way for how to size a chastity cage using sizing rings. This is the best information that I’ve run across.
Mrs. MM: Well, thanks.
Ms. Olivia: And the customer service, it’s amazing. It does not get any better. I tell people, listen, if you’re unsure, buy a junk cage. But if you know that you want to be in chastity, here’s where you need to go.
Mrs. MM: Aw. Thank you. We both were in years and years of retail management. So we know what we should receive as customers.
Ms Erika: Now, speaking of mature metal, a little birdie told me that there’s a lot happening over there and seeing that you’re a small business, you probably wear many hats, right? Customer service, bookkeeper, everything else. But what is in the creative works that people can expect from your mature metal this coming year or so?
Mrs. MM: We are making the micro and the mini jailbird, a mini watchful mistress, and a belt, a chain belt for those who cannot wear a device because they turtle. That’ll help hold it in.
Also, something I wear. William made it for me. We introduced that like a few days ago, a skeleton key with an oval on top. And then my heart. It’s perfect keyholders key.
I get compliments on that every time I wear it. They’re really cute. They’re kind of whimsy. So none of them will be perfect, which is what I like. Cause it’s, I mean, it’s, it’s just, it’s handmade.
Custom chastity cages and custom chastity jewelry
Mrs. MM: Everything is handmade. So there’s no two cages that are exactly alike.
Ms Erika: I have to get my tush over to Mature Metal.
Ms Olivia: Hey, I want to wear one of those necklaces. My personal favorite of the cages (and it might be just because of the name) is the Queen’s Keep because I’m a Queen.
Mrs. MM: You know how that cage got its name? It was a contest on FetLife. A customer named it many years ago.
Ms Olivia: Oh, I love that.
We’ll need to have you back again, but for now, wow, this time has just gone by so fast.
We always end with final thoughts and questions.
Erika, why don’t you go first while Mrs. MM is thinking?
Question for submissive men
Ms Erika: Okay. Well, as everyone knows, we grow as humans when we’re challenged. And chastity is absolutely a challenge. So I always encourage all men and particularly submissive men to try chastity. After hearing us talk today, my question for you is, if you’ve never tried it, are you more curious? Would you lock up for me? I guess that’s two questions.
Ms Olivia: Mrs. Mature Metal, do you have a final thought or question for our audience?
Mrs. MM: Oh, my gosh. The final thought is take your time. The final thought is if you measure, take your time and don’t get discouraged. Ask any questions you have before you order and after you get it on the fit. Don’t give up. So the question is, are you going to ask questions or are you going to give up?
Ms Olivia: Oh, fantastic. Unless you are really into humiliation, don’t be a wimpy wimp.
Obey your Chastity keyholder and/or Mistress
Ms Olivia: Also, don’t be stupid about this. I put someone in the chastity cage and I said, now only wear it for just a couple of hours. So you feel it and wear it with underwear and just kind of get a feel for it.
I talked to him two days later and he goes, it hurts. I said, oh, wow, “So what’s going on?” And he goes, well, it rubs and it really hurts.
I’m like, wow, after two hours, tell me more.
He goes, no, I’m still wearing it.
I’m like, OK, so this is first time in a cage, just a random cage off of Amazon. And you wore it against my instructions for 48 hours. That’s not what a submissive man does.
Best of luck to you, Sparky. When you order the sizing rings, it comes with a full sheet of instructions. And one of the things said, don’t wear it for longer than sizing.
He said, well, I wore it for three days. YIKES. He needed to listen and then obey.
Okay, folks, we cannot say enough good things about Mature Metal chastity cages.
What’s the best way for them to get in touch with you or with William?
Mrs. MM: Our phone numbers, both of our phone numbers are on the website. We’re on Twitter. We’re on FetLife. We’re on Chastity Mansion.
And you can send an email to MatureMetalSales@gmail.com
Ms Erika: My email is erika@enchantrixempire.com
twitter X is ErikaEnchantrix and my blog is Intelligent Phone Fantasy.
Ms Olivia: My email is olivia@enchantrixempire.com
twitter X is MistressOlivia1 and my blog is Experienced Mistress.
Mrs. MM thank you so much for joining us.
Mrs. MM: Thank you for having me. I was a little nervous, but it’s been really fun.
Ms Olivia: You’re perfect. We’re perfect. We’re just all perfect girls sitting there talking about locking dicks up.
Mrs. MM: Which I mean, there’s nothing odd about this conversation. I could talk about locked cocks all day long. Wait, I do. Seven days a week! LOL
Ms Olivia: And on that note, thank you to our listeners always for your support of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast. We’ll see you next week.
Bye
Bye
Bye
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