Do you have sex toys? If you don’t, you are missing out on lots of fun. Mistress Delia and Ms Olivia talk about sex toys, Dominance and submission, why a Femdom uses sex toys and more.

Ms Olivia:  Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot: kink conversation, BDSM advice, insight from he worlds of Distance Domination and phone sex. We are your hosts:  Mistress Delia and Ms Olivia. 

Today’s topic:  some of our favorite sex toys for men.

Supposedly only 25% of men use sex toys. Ms Delia do you think that’s accurate? And why do you think the number is so low?

Ms Delia:  I actually do think it’s accurate and the number doesn’t surprise me at all. I think men are raised to feel that sex is a certain way and are taught that real men jerk off or have sex for pleasure. There’s not a lot of discussion about sex toys, I’m guessing.

Olivia’s tangent about paying for sex

Ms Olivia:  Do you think part of the, “I don’t pay for sex” thing? It’s actually a really smart way rather than, for example, having fetish sex with civilians.  Remember the Congressman Weiner? He was sending dick pics to people. He should have sent him to a Mistress. 

Ms Delia:  Right!

Ms Olivia:  He would still have his job! People who are trying to do fetish sex or any kind of sex really with a civilian without that level of consent run a huge risk. But I think that’s a common theme. A lot of men are like, I don’t pay for sex. So I got a little bit on a rant about whether or not they paid for sex.

Ms Delia:  Well, my thoughts on that are maybe just a little bit different. I think that there’s shame and maybe stigma around men asking about sex toys or or buying sex toys. 

Delia on why there is stigma about sex toys for men

Ms Delia:  I really think men just don’t know, like the majority of men don’t know that they can experience different sensations and different feelings with sex toys. 

And again, I think this is because they’ve been conditioned and taught to seek out pleasure from sex or their hand, which is completely different from what women do. 

We talk all the time. I’ve been to so many sex toy parties where all the women openly discuss what feels good or what sexual things are best, what toys, what gels, enhancements, et cetera. Women talk about what feels amazing that everyone should try. 

And sadly this sharing doesn’t happen with men. So toys become something taboo. Maybe something they’re embarrassed about or something they have to hide. And I really hope we can change that. Men need sex toys!

Changing the way he thinks about sex toys for men

Ms Olivia:  I know for a fact that you and I have changed it for some people, for our callers.

We’ve talked to them and asked, “Why don’t you buy a sex toy?”  And I get it. Buying that first sex toy is maddening.

Women and sex toys

Ms Olivia:  I remember helping a friend of mine who was a recent divorcee and she had never had a sex toy.  I took her to the Pleasure Chest in Washington, D C and I said, we’re looking for rabbits. And the guy pulled out the rabbit vibrator and put them all up on the counter and he said, do you want to turn them on? I’m like, yes, please. So all of these are on the glass counter, vibrating, bouncing around.  My poor friend was turning all these colors; purple and red and she looked like she was going to go into shock. I just looked at her and I said, trust me, this feels good and you will appreciate this!

Did you ever get embarrassed buying a sex toy? 

Ms Delia:  Not so much embarrassed, a little nervous, but mostly excited I think.

Delia’s first sex toy purchase

Ms Delia:  The first time I went into a big adult toy store, I had those nervous feelings. I was in college, I was newly 18 and I just couldn’t believe all the things I was seeing, the walls of things that were there. I wouldn’t say that I felt embarrassed per se. I was nervous, excited, and I remember that I stayed there a while and looked at everything. I remember, I actually kind of like you with your friend. I bought a rabbit vibrator as my very first official sex toy.

Ms Olivia:  So what is your favorite now? Do you still have the rabbit? Do you like it?

Ms Delia:   No, I don’t have the rabbit anymore. I think my favorite for super quick orgasms is the Hitachi, you know, put that on edge of the bed, squat over it, turn it on high 30 seconds. Fuck yeah, I’m done. 

I’ll talk about some of these in the podcast; I have a bunch of other really good sex toys that I love to play with. So maybe I’ve replaced the rabbit vibrator and I found other new interesting toys.

Ms Olivia:  In fetish sex men are sex toys. 

Ms Delia:  Very, very true. 

The hand versus a sex toy

Ms Olivia:  I think they fall into the category of sex toys.  Do you think men think their hand is a sex toy?

Ms Delia:  Oh. Yes. Okay I think the hand is a sex toy because it’s what men are used to. But seriously, the listeners to our podcast, by the end of this one should realize that there’s so much more than their hands.  Sex toys will give them more intense and exciting sensations. Men need sex toys.

Ms Olivia:  Absolutely, but maybe they don’t know the best sex toys for men. 

If you Google that, there’s a whole bunch of lists. These are the best sex toys for men. This is the best sex toy for couples, all of that kind of stuff. 

We’re going to talk about the stuff that we personally love and use and, especially, remote sex toys for men, which are perfect when we do Female Domination because we get to control the action. 

First we have a request for you. Lots of people are listening via Apple podcast. We want you to do us a favor in between your stroking.

Please subscribe to The Weekly Hot Spot podcast, like it, and leave a review on iTunes. 

You can also listen to our show on Cock Radio on Spreaker.

During your phone sessions, I know that you talk about sex toys.  I’ll ask and you’ll ask a caller, what toys do you have? And he’ll generally list them off. Do you ever suggest sex toys for callers to buy?

What Mistress tells a caller about sex toys for men

Ms Delia:  Absolutely. I do. 

I love to use toys during phone sessions and I know we are going to get into all the sex toys that we love. But let me just say this. I think sex toys absolutely add to our session and to the man’s pleasure during the session. 

Ms Olivia:  During the session, let’s face it, the brain is the most erotic sex organ. So our erotic roleplay stimulates the brain for sure and then the sex toy does physical sensation, physical stimulation. 

There are pros and cons of using sex toys.

Pros and cons of sex toys

Ms Delia:  Oh, that’s so true. I think one of the great pros or advantages to using sex toys, I think is the remote control that Mistress has. And I don’t just mean like a physical remote control. 

It’s the control that we have remotely doing Distance Domination and there’s something that a toy can add. It adds that personal touch that we would love to give you if we were really there. 

The toy kind of acts as an extension of Mistress. 

I think some of the cons of sex toys, well, I mean I guess one is having them and maybe having to hide them from a partner. Um, but you know, the other things are just the noise and weird sensations and smells. Some toys might be expensive, they might be hard to clean. So some of the inconveniences about sex toys. 

Ms Olivia:  I’ve noticed that those inconveniences are rapidly falling by the wayside. I mean, let’s face it, there are new sex toys for men all the time. 

Ms Delia and Ms Olivia at a sex toy convention

Ms Olivia:  Do you want to know what’s on my bucket list and you and I should do this. 

I want to go to a sex toy convention! We should totally do this!

Ms Delia:  Oh my goodness yes!  We need to go to a sex toy convention!

Ms Olivia:  Wouldn’t that be great? We could take it off our taxes because it would be a legitimate business expense.

Ms Delia:  Yes, we need to plan this. That’s fabulous.

Ms Olivia:  We could bring the podcast with us and do all kinds of interviews about sex!

Ms Delia:  This would be so fun. I love that idea. 

The Fleshlight

Ms Olivia:  So when I think of a sex toy for a guy, I think of the Fleshlight. I think the penis sleeve was sort of the beginning of the widely used, or at least widely talked about, sex toys for men. 

Is the Fleshlight still popular or has it sort of been replaced by the more technically advanced sex toys for men? 

Do you still have callers that like the Fleshlight?

Ms Delia:  I actually do.  I mean, I have a Fleshlight in my shower at home and I do have callers who still use the Fleshlight. Over the years I really have loved it so much. 

I think their claim to fame and what makes them a classic sex toy is that they’re really fun to use. They’re simple, they’re easy, and they give more pussy-like sensations to a man during masturbation but there have been advancements.

I think there are cheaper options out there for men to use and lots of different kinds of male masturbators and sleeves that can maybe offer more than a Fleshlight does. Maybe vibrations or squeezes, but I will say the Flleshlight is consistent as a sex toy for sure.

Ms Olivia:  And there’s not just one kind of Fleshlight. There are different types of Fleshlight styles under the Fleshlight brand. 

Sex toys and premature ejaculation

Ms Olivia:  For example, this is my favorite the Fleshlight Quick Shot.  It bills itself as an orgasm in one minute. Now, do you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing?

Ms Delia:  That’s a really fucking bad thing. Why should we teach men to be fucking premature ejaculators in under a minute. Uggg.

Ms Olivia:  I agree. Now if the world is ending and you’re going to bend over, kiss your ass, and then be blown up and die I would say get the Fleshlight Quick Shot and have that orgasm. 

But other than that noooooo.  

I personally think that you and I should offer ourselves and our bodies and become models for plastic pussies.

Mistress should be a model for a sex doll!

Ms Delia:  I think that could be kind of interesting. Fleshlight actually has one and I’ve seen them in different sex toy shops, you know, models of like the bottom half of a porn model and it has the real-feel vagina. Kind of like the Stoya Fleshlight from Fleshlight. 

This is the thing though, I know that they’re supposed to be ultra realistic representations of the model and they’re, they’re based on the porn stars, right? They’ve got the pussy lips, they’ve got the internal kind of curves and everything including the texture.  But I just wonder how different each one of those silicone pussies could feel. 

If you’re a guy and you love Fleshlight and you get all of them and you line them up, could you really pick out which porn star is better, worse, different? Could you pick them out or would they all feel similar?

But I will say this, I think the draw to any of those things that are made from a porn star or something like that, the draw is that, “Oh my God, I know I can’t fuck her, but I can feel what she feels like.” So I will say for that, fuck yes we should mold our vaginas.

Ms Olivia:  The draw is mental rather than physical. I hadn’t thought about that. 

Somebody should do a test, we should do a test and buy all of those things and then, you know.  Could you imagine the control group? The control group gets the regular penis sleeve. The testers get …. Laughter.

I just, yeah, I’m going to get right on that or suggest it for the Kinsey Institute.  They study human sexuality. I think that would be fabulous. 

Power exchange and remote control sex toys

Ms Olivia:  So for us, Mistress Domination and cock control, I love remote sex toys. Not just for cock control, but all kinds of Dominant submission. 

Power exchange is ideal when the Mistress uses remote sex toys. 

I personally love the Lovense Hush and Edge. And I suggested those to a bunch of people and they’ve started using it. It’s super easy. I can control the app. You use the Hush with callers.

Ms Delia:  Yeah, I have used the Hush. And for those that don’t know, um, it’s a butt plug. I absolutely love using the app because I can literally and figuratively have my finger on the controller during a phone sex session and I can immediately hear the responses, Oh, the gasps and moans when I move my finger up or down on that app. 

Remote control sissy chastity

Ms Delia:  I want to tell you another remote control sex toy that I like is I’m from sissy lover.com. It’s the remote control sissy chastity. 

I found that because I was speaking with the sissy and together we were looking for a way to lock her up that I could control. 

This remote control chastity device uses an app to lock it instead of a key. So it’s perfect and immediate. I love remote control things.

Remote control sex toys and Femdom Mistress Domination

Ms Olivia: Part of the thing about remote control is that the Mistress has control of the device and can use that in conjunction with an assignment, an erotic role play or anything. 

It’s also s a way to check in periodically because it’s an app on our phone. So even when we’re not necessarily logged in, we have the ability to go bzzz bzzzzz.

Now you don’t want to have a butt plug in for 24/7 right? But it’s fun to tell a caller, “I want you to go about your day and wear this for the next X amount of hours.”   So for the next eight hours I want you to wear the butt plug and then just at random times, with no warning, bzzzz bzzzzzz. It’s kind of like you are knocking on his back door in a really literal kind of way!

Ms Delia:  You know, I have to say that there are toys that I would love, love, love to use with callers.

Ms Delia’s wish list of sex toys for men

Ms Delia:  We were talking about Fleshlight but Lovense has one that is called the Max. It’s their male masturbator and it looks kind of like a Fleshlight except that it’s fucking fabulous. This is where I think it exceeds other male masturbators.

Ms Olivia:  It has 360 degree sensations!

Ms Delia:  Yes it does. It’s amazing.

On the app there’s one side of the app it like splits it in half and one side you can control the strength of those fucking squeezing contractions on the cock. And then you on the other side you can choose how much you want to vibrate the Max. What I love to do is find a nice low level of vibration on the max and then vary the squeezing. It’s fucking hot. So awesome.

What is sex tech and the future of sex toys

Ms Olivia:  They are also using the Lovense Max Two in conjunction with virtual reality. So look to have some really exciting things going on with the Max Two and Lovense.  I am fascinated to see where they actually go. 

They call it sex tech. Isn’t that interesting? That’s now a phrase.  

 I’m excited to see where the future of sex toys for men is going to go and how sex tech will be incorporated into all of this and make them even more exciting. 

I disagree with the people who say, that there will be nothing personal if men are using sex toys. I disagree with that. I think they can be an enhancement in play and definitely an enhancement in play with Mistress.

Ms Delia:  I agree with you completely.

Luxury sex toys

Ms Olivia:  So do you like the Lelo toys? They’ve got some good remote control ones.

Ms Delia:  They do. I have not played with their remote control ones so much, but I think in general Lelo is super high quality. 

I have a couple of them and the silicone, the softness to the toys, the ergonomic design means they’re beautiful toys and they’re super comfortable. 

I would have to say my favorite is the Ora sex toys for women and that is an oral sex stimulator and it has little buttons and you use a little bit of lube and it just, there’s a little thing and you press it and it feels like a tongue is really licking your clit and you can move it all over. It’s a handheld little sphere that actually looks pretty when you just leave it on a nightstand. It’s really a gorgeous toy. 

Ms Olivia:  That’s why these are called luxury sex toys, right? Because they don’t look like what you think of or what you saw on the wall of the adult bookstore or when you were 18.  Remember when you looked and laughed and thought, “Wow, that’s a fucking skanky sex toy.”

Something like the Ora is just beautifully shaped. You know, as you were describing it, I was kind of squirming a little bit.

Ms Olivia’s wish list for this sex toy for men

Ms Olivia:  You know what I’m really curious about? This particular one, and I haven’t used it, leads the list of best sex toys for men consistently across all of the recent lists. It’s called the AutoBlow A.I., that’s an artificial intelligence blow job machine. It had speed control, 10 different blow job experiences, and edging control.  It has microchips and sensors. 

Ms Delia:  That sounds amazing.

Ms Olivia:  That will never replace the blow job.

Ms Delia:  Never. Never.

I like the Calexotics.  They have something called the MasterBall and it’s really cool. If you’re thinking about could I have this out on my bureau? You absolutely could. It looks like a little round orb of a speaker, but it’s a little black male masturbator and it’s pretty and it’s ergonomic and it just looks nice.  I think it’s unique. It has 10 functions and it compresses and it’s got these little tickler nubs in it. It’s pretty cool. I, I’m a fan of that as a male masturbator sex toy.

Ms Olivia:  I love the toys that combine different things because I think that’s part of the experience when you are with the person or you are talking to the Mistress on the phone,.  It’s because it’s more organic. Right? 

Ms Delia:  Right!

Ms Olivia:  So something like the Satisfier for men that has heat and vibration. The MasterBall that you mentioned that has stroking and compression, you know?

Ms Delia:  Oh yes. And the combination of sensations is more than you can do with your hand even.

Ms Olivia:  Absolutely. Some of the toys are really expensive. I mean they really are, especially the luxury sex toys. 

But sex toys don’t have to be hugely expensive or hard to clean up. 

Sex toys on a budget

Ms Delia:  That’s why I like, um, the, the Tenga egg.  You get six of them. You can buy them on Amazon.  They come in a cute little carton and they’re like $25 and they’re sexy little male masturbators and they’re stretchy and snug and, and they’re just so perfect. You can throw it in, in a briefcase. No one will know what it is. They can go through airport security. They’re like perfect for the sex toy. 

Ms Olivia:  Yes! Also perfect little sex toys, cock rings!  You have static cock rings, which are just a rubber band like band but thicker than a rubber band. They can be static or they can vibrate. Cock rings are lots of fun.

Ms Delia:  Do you know who has a good vibrating cock ring? I’ll be honest. Walmart, they have the Plus One vibrating ring. It’s amazing. I always send guys to Walmart for sex things, but this little vibrating ring is super stretchy and you can use it alone or with a partner.  It’s from Walmart, 15 bucks.

Sex toys on Amazon

Ms Olivia:  What do you think about buying sex toys from Amazon?

Ms Delia:  I love it. I do it all the time.  I have sex toys on my Wish List.

Ms Olivia:  Sometimes I look at the stuff from Amazon and I don’t know if it’s a knock off.  I don’t know if it’s a knock off made in China and with crappy materials or whatever. Do you know what I mean? I’m just kind of weird.

Ms Delia:  I do know what you mean. I tend to read the reviews and if I even see like two reviews that talk about this is not the toy as advertised, I just don’t even look at it. I tend to look for companies like even Lelo, like we were talking about, they sell their toys on Amazon. So I go more toward things like that if I want to try something out. It’s two day shipping. It’s prime, it’s fast, it’s fun, why not?

Ms Olivia:  And you can return it. And callers give us Amazon gift cards. So it’s kind of like, Ooh, thank you very much. 

Ms Delia:  Oh yes. 

Anal toys and sex toys for prostate play

Ms Olivia:  Anal play and prostate play. Those are the areas I think that men are, at least our callers are, really willing to investigate as far as getting a sex toy.

The original, I think is the Aneros, right? That’s great for prostate milking. It’s a prostate massager. The pro is that it feels amazing, especially if you’ve never felt it. But the disadvantage to the Aneros can be that it can be kind of hard to learn. It’s almost like the handle on a cork screw that you use to remove the cork from a wine bottle.  You’ve got to sort of learn how to manipulate it. But it’s fabulous.

Ms Delia:  I have never been a huge fan of the Aneros. I tend to go for the Rude Boy series: the Naughty Boy, the Rude Boy, because like you said with your combos, this does great prostate massage, but it has that little perineum ridge at the bottom of each one. So it hits you in a different way and then you can press the button at the base to get different vibration patterns. So I have, I think three of those in my house. Good stuff.

Ms Olivia:  The Rude Boy and the Naughty Boy are fabulous. And the Aneros doesn’t have vibration. So that’s a static toy that you manipulate with your hand.  With the Rude Boy, you can still manipulate it, but as you said, it vibrates and it can also vibrate on the outside. So you’re getting the inside stimulation and the outside stimulation. Oh, it’s fabulous. Plus the name. Who’s a naughty boy? Naughty boy.

Ms Delia:  Oh, I love that.

Ms Olivia:  So speaking of prostate milking, do you think the chastity cage should be considered a sex toy?

Ms Delia:  Yes, I actually do. I mean, it’s something, an object that you buy to change and enhance your sexy kinks. So I think it does qualify as a sex toy even though you’re not able to masturbate. Because as we say all the time, a lot of times sex happens in the brain, which is the biggest sex organ.

Ms Olivia:  Absolutely. 

Now one PSA: the best materials for male sex toys, the premium toys are in fact made of silicone TPR, which is thermoplastic rubber,  TPE, which is tempo plastical elastomer and E P D M. I don’t know what the fuck that is, but the most famous brand names are you are three ultra realistic, love clones, cyber skin, super skin, those kinds of things. You want something that says phthalate free. So those are the toys that you’re looking for. 

Stay away from toys that have “Flutsch-Material” or “Jelly”.  I’m not sure why, but apparently they contain materials that are carcinogens, potentially harmful. So don’t get those. 

Lubes for sex toys

Ms Olivia:  Let’s talk about lubes for a second. There’s a lot of advice about using different kinks of lube for sex in general, but we’re going to talk specifically about lube for sex toys. 

One shorthand way to say this is silicone based lube ruins sex toys. If you remember nothing else from this podcast. Remember that.

Ms Delia:  Absolutely. Let’s talk about different categories of lube. 

There are water-based lubes that are safe for toys, but you have to reapply them often because they can dry out quickly. 

Now there are oil based lubes. Those tend to be thicker and more long lasting. Very comfortable lubes, but you can’t use them with latex. So if you have condoms, you can’t use an oil based lube.

Silicone based lubes are super slick and slippery. They feel almost like the real thing, like cum or vaginal secretions. They’re slick like that. But because they’re silicone, if you have a silicone sex toy, it will just become part of your sex toy and like melt it almost. It ruins them. What do you like?

Ms Olivia:  For masturbation (with a hand) I always recommend olive oil or coconut oil because it’s natural. It’s very slippery. It sounds great, but it will disintegrate condoms. So what do you think some of the best lubes are for something like a masturbation sleeve?

Ms Delia:  I would say Fleshlube is a super fantastic water-based lube. But my favorite I think would have to be Astroglide. I buy Astroglide and really, really big, big, big bottles. I love that because it’s nice and silky and it, it enhances, you know, just the different sensations.

If you are on a budget, you can run into any drug store and go over into the condom section and you should find little bottles of water based lube that are probably store brands. And that can be really easy to have on hand if you need some lube pretty quick.

Ms Olivia:  If you’re traveling, you can go and you can also find this in any drug store, there a little individual packets of lube. So instead of carting around Ms Delia’s quart bottle of lube, which might look a little bit awkward. 

Oh wait a minute. No, you couldn’t go through airport security. They would be like, this is more than four ounces. We’re going to have to confiscate this. Ooh, we’ll put your handcuffs on him. We can have a good time. 

Anyway, I kind of wandered off there, but the little individuals squeeze packets of lube and I think those are absolutely fantastic. 

So you’re all lubed up. You used your sex toy. Now I know I am want to do is bask in the glow of your orgasm, but at some point you’re going to have to clean your sex toy.

Ms Delia:  Absolutely you are. And I like to look at the box before I break out the sex toy to play with it. I am a geek. I actually do read the instructions. So if there’s a washing instruction, you need to know about it.

Ms Olivia:  This is why I love you. Can I just say so let me make a confession. Here’s how I handle my sex toys. Delia and I know each other. We play in person, we see each other in person, we live in different cities, but we often see each other. 

I will either save up sex toys and I’ll bring them to her or send them to her and I’ll say, read the instructions and tell me what I’m supposed to do. She’ll say I read everything and here’s what you do:  Astroglide is just fine, don’t worry about it. You can wash this in your dishwasher, etc.  

Cleaning sex toys

Ms Olivia:  Oh and let me also mention that if you’re washing sex toys in the dishwasher, take them fucking out before family comes over for a family dinner. I’m just saying, not that that ever happened to me. 

Ms Delia:  Yes it did.

Ms Olivia:  Okay. It did. Oh God.  “What’s THIS?” “Oh nothing!”

Ms Delia:  Yeah right!  ~laughs~ You know, if you don’t have a dishwasher or you’re afraid to use your just washer, just get a nice gentle detergent that like you would use for dishes, a nice soft towel and do a quick wash of your sex toys. Generally, just like you would wash yourself is how you should wash your sex toys and you’ll be able to get any bacteria and stuff off of it so that just, just soap and water.

Ms Olivia:  Let me also just mention this as a PSA for other wives and girlfriends. If you want anal toys, get your own anal toys. Don’t use her personal vaginal vibrator for your ass. I know some guys do it, but I always tell them when they say, Oh, I use my girlfriend’s vibrator. I’m like, dude, if she uses her vibrator inside her pussy, like, don’t stick it up your ass. No.

Ms Delia:  Get your own sex toy.

Ms Olivia:  Absolutely. At least for them. Now that we’re done with the PSA, we have a request. 

If you are listening, if you are listening via Apple podcast, we want you to do us a favor. Please subscribe to The Weekly Hot Spot podcast,  like it and leave a review on iTunes. 

You can keep up with everything on our personal blogs.

Delia:  Beg for Mistress

Olivia:  Experienced Mistress

Connect with Mistress onTwitter:

@HotSpotKinkTalk

@MistressOlivia1

@EmpressDelia

Email:

theweeklyhotspot@hushmail.com

Delia@enchantrixempire.com

Olivia@enchantrixempire.com

We want to hear from you.

Do you have a sex toy? What do you have? What do you love? What do you want to try?

Did you ever leave your sex toys in the dishwasher and were embarrassed when you had people over?

Ms Delia:  ~laughs~ That’s really a thing for you, isn’t it? 

Ms Olivia:  Yes. Well, it was … ah, it was memorable. It was really memorable.

Ms Delia:  Thank you so much for joining us this week for The Weekly Hot Spot. 

Ms Olivia:  We will see you again next week where we will have more fun and laughter and advice.  Have a great week.

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