Welcome to the Weekly Hot Spot, kink conversation, BDSM advice, and insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. I’m Mistress Olivia here with Ms. Erika, and today’s topic is something we’ve mentioned a little bit before, but let’s give it its own complete episode because there’s so much to it. So folks, listen to the podcast Sissy wants wife to be dominant like a Mistress or read the transcript.

Ms. Erika: Since starting the Weekly Hot Spot podcast, we’re getting a lot of emails that ask a very similar thing along the lines of:

• How do I make my wife more dominant? 
• Why isn’t my wife like a Mistress? 
• What can I do to have my wife dominate me? 

And that’s not a simple answer, is it? 

Ms. Olivia: No, it’s not a simple answer at all. This is one of the reasons why we ask for and appreciate your questions. Like in this episode: Being a sissy: What do you want to know? We always point out, and I think it’s important to keep pointing out, every relationship is different and unique. 

BDSM relationships and the sissy who wants her wife to be dominant

Ms. Olivia:  What works beautifully for one couple might not work for you in your situation or your partnership. So, as with all of our advice, take what you can use, ignore the stuff that doesn’t apply to you or your situation, or just feels off to you. That said, we know that there are different kinds of relationships between a wife or girlfriend and her sissy. 

Ms. Erika:  Yes, there are different situations, different kinds.

And today, we’re going to be talking about some of those broad categories of the types of sissy situations that you may find yourself in, or you may relate to. 

Types of sissy relationships

Ms. Olivia:  In general terms, we’re talking about female-led relationships, and where the play typically stays between the couple. This is generally marriage or other committed relationships. It might for might not include female domination..

Ms. Erika:  Even if she isn’t a Femdom, FLR is where the woman is dominant or leading on most things, if leading hits your ear better, and that the husband or the significant other wants to be a sissy or cock sucking sissy cuckold or be that in the relationship, right?

Ms. Olivia:  So one category would be the two people are together, and she’s in charge, and he’s the sissy, but it’s only the two of them. But when you open it up, it’s still a female-led relationship, but other people become involved. I think that would be a different category.

Ms. Erika:  You’re right. You’re absolutely right. So the sissy husband may or may not be submissive although I think he generally is submissive.

What is the dynamic between the couple in their everyday getting chores done? Typically, the sissy is more submissive or follows the female in the relationship, aka female-led relationship.

Cuckold sissy husband

Ms. Olivia: I think there’s one that you and I really enjoy, and that’s the cuckolding thing. Now, cuckolding certainly doesn’t have to have a sissy involved, but I think that’s really a fun thing where the dominant woman turns her husband into a sissy cuckold husband, maybe with coerced bi play, maybe gay play. Gosh, there’s so many ways that you can go.

This can and is often combined with some intense humiliation and coercion. For example, I’m going to make this particular sissy pussy-free for life and into my little sissy faggot cocksucker. That’s just one example.

Any others that you can think of? 

Sissy is just one of the girls

Ms. Erika:  Well, another dynamic would be the female-led relationship / girlfriend. What I’m thinking of is again, where the woman is dominant or leads in the relationship. The sissy husband is more like a girlfriend.

Sexual interaction and sexual play isn’t really prevalent. So, outside of the occasional sissy play, let’s say once a week, the relationship looks like the sissy husband is the supportive partner to the dominant woman. 

When sissy has to earn a sissygasm

Ms. Erika:  The sissy does everything she needs to do to be a “good girl” to earn that bedroom play. You know who I’m thinking of when I’m describing this? 

That’s Nancy, boy. She’s been dying to get us on the phone together. That actually describes how her wife leads her.

Most of the time, they’re like girlfriends. Nancy boy is like a supportive girlfriend. His wife is the dominant girlfriend who says what goes.

Then, occasionally, she allows some sissy play. 

Ms. Olivia: Remember, this is not kind of cut and dried, one size fits all. Most relationships end up blending various broad categories. But one of the things that this episode was inspired by was from an email exchange that I had with a sissy. 

In an earlier podcast, we talked about a sissy who gave her wife three pages of rules.

Here’s a little bit more about that situation.

Starting with my texting with the sissy. 

Olivia:  “Does your wife want to be more dominant with you? 

Sissy: “I hope she wants to learn. I want her to enjoy the power.”

We continue the text exchange.

Sissy:  “She’s known I was a crossdresser for years, before I came out as a sissy. She supports me fully now, dressed, etc. We go shopping a lot together, and I dress a lot around the house.

She lets me dress whenever I want to. So maybe I’m just being greedy.”

 

Ms. Erika:  Well, first of all, we speak to so many people. They would absolutely love to have a partner that appreciates and supports them dressing and helping with shopping and makeup and all those things. They just simply ache for it.

My suggestion is to have some patience. You know, this is something new to your partner. You can’t just drop a sissy manifesto on her lap and say, this is our new life right now.

So I would step back, help her appreciate with small steps how she can enjoy and perchance maybe love that power exchange and taking control at some point. 

Just because you said it doesn’t make it happen. 

BDSM, power exchange and communication

Ms. Olivia: Beyond the details of what or how the kink or fetish play goes, there’s the basic issue when talking about BDSM and power exchange. 

Let’s go back to my texting with the sissy because this just puts it beautifully:

Ms. Olivia:  “Did you ask her if she wants to be your Domme and what did she say?

Sissy:   “She read through those sissy rules and wrote what she wanted.  She said it would take time for her as she isn’t dominant.”

Erika, have you heard of someone who says, I’m not dominant, but I want to learn to be dominant?

Ms. Erika: That’s a good one.That is almost like nature versus nurture. Is it possible? Yes. Is it likely? No, because we all have our own way of being. And if she is somebody who’s used to being submissive and now you’re asking them to step into a new and for some people, vastly different mindset and desires, she may not enjoy it. 

You’re going to have to prepare yourself for the reality that this may not be in the cards for her, but I give her kudos for being patient and open and willing to give it a go and at least see if she likes it.

Ms. Olivia: I asked about the rules and sissy wrote

Sissy: One day, I explained to her what his sissy likes, the chores, et cetera. So she started to leave me tasks to do cleaning, et cetera, but I just need the discipline side of it. I feel frustrated Mistress.

I have more than others have, but it isn’t enough. I need the dominant side and bondage as well. 

Ms. Olivia:  I can feel the frustration of that sissy. This particular sissy actually worked with a dominant male master. So really what’s going on is he wants his wife to learn how to be a male master and dominate him.

Ms. Erika:  Right. And his wife is basically saying, I don’t know. 

Ms. Olivia:  Right. 

Mistress advice for the eager and frustrated sissy

Ms. Erika:  Let’s take a deep breath and really focus on what’s happening.

Sissy is very eager. I get that. I appreciate the eagerness.

I appreciate you wanting to share this with your partner, but let’s stop back and really give some gratitude, appreciation for her even still around. How many people do we know that this was the end of the relationship, right?  So she is listening. Know that she is listening to you.

Second, sometimes we get what we want by giving it away. And what I mean by that is if you start acting more submissive, she may take on a more dominant role. 

How to be a good submissive sissy

Ms. Erika: Start with your mindset.

How many times did sissy just say, I, I need this. I want this. I, I, I, is that the mindset of a submissive sissy? 

Ms. Olivia: Well, it is with a submissive sissy when dealing with a Pro Domme or when dealing with someone who is skilled as a Dominant asking the submissive, what do you want? Well, I want this, this, this, this is what I like.

Then it’s appropriate. It’s not appropriate in a personal relationship. 

Ms. Erika: Exactly. Especially since you’re trying to encourage a behavior, you know, instead of a list like a job description and pages of this is what you need to do.

Do not do THIS with a Pro Domme, Mistress, partner or really any human

Ms. Olivia: Communication is important. A list of instructions or demands isn’t communication. Let me give an example. When I first started here, there was this one sissy who I did an hour long session with me. The sissy didn’t say much. I kept trying to say, you know, how is this going? How do you feel? Whatever, whatever.

And she kept saying, do anything. So I’m flying blind and I’m just kind of flailing around. 

She writes back a couple of days later, “Mistress, I didn’t like the session at all.”

And I’m like, why the fuck didn’t you say anything? I mean, at first I was nice. I’m like,  Oh, tell me. Okay. Well, you know, let’s redo it and we’ll see what happens. And we ended up redoing the session. She acted the same and had the same reaction even though I was trying new things.

I said, you know what? I don’t know what to do with you. We are not a match. Being submissive does not absolve you from being a responsible part and partner in this relationship.

You don’t get to say, Oh, you can do anything to me and then criticize what happens. It  just doesn’t work that way.

Ms. Erika:  Yeah. You can’t see me right now, but my hands are in the air. Yes. Right. Preach.

Ms. Olivia: And this poor wife, even if she learns BDSM, the terms, the styles, the play, the options, which is complicated. And even if she learns what power exchange is, all of that kind of stuff, does the wife:

• Understand the nuances of gender, gender play, the psychology of it? 
• What is a fetish versus what is something that is deeply ingrained into the soul of your partner? 

The kink or not part is very important. For example, a trans woman, that is not a fetish for wearing women’s clothes. Here’s an example of a fetish, a sissy who might always want to wear petticoats, that might be kind of on the fetish side of things.

But does this wife even understand or know about any of that? 

Experience, knowledge and skill matters with BDSM

Ms. Olivia:  There was a tremendous learning curve for us, and at least there sure was for me. I’m still learning and growing and learning even more. This is complex and not something that is naturally obvious.

Ms. Erika: That’s a good point, Olivia, because when you’re dealing with humans, behavior, fetishes, kinks, predilections, however you want to classify them, you have to be enthralled, interested, because there’s always something more to learn.

The world of feminization and sissy play is quite diverse, as you just explained, and it’s very intricate also in its expression.

 If you and your partner are not at least comfortable talking about sex and sexuality and needs, you’re going to have to go back to square one, because what you just mentioned and what we’re venturing into is a lot more complex. You can’t just start the conversation there. 

When we’re talking about this area of kink and fetishism, many people automatically assume that a guy who wants to put on panties or women’s lingerie is transgender, and we know that is not true. But this can be very confusing with people that are not in the know, and so you have to get that communication going. You have to have that basis going forward. 

Ms. Olivia:  The majority of crossdressers, at least according to a lot of the research, are heterosexual males.

For many sissies though, there is a very intense bi-curious or cock-curious element that might even go beyond curious.

When you want her to make you suck cock

Ms. Erika: Right. That powerful dominant woman that you want to make you suck cock for her is a real person. Take this example,  if you’ve always had a heterosexual marriage and your wife knows that you like to dress but she doesn’t know anything other than a heterosexual marriage, and now you tell her you want to suck cock, oof, that might startle her. 

Ms. Olivia:  Ya think? LOL Or, especially if you tell her,  I want you to make me suck that cock.

For example, Sissy Samantha says this:

“My wife knows about my sissy dreams. She went online and picked out my clothes, but I need her to sexualize me, including cock-sucking and sissygasms. How can I get her to do this?”

So, honestly, first thing, does she even know what that stuff is? 

Ms. Erika:  Right! Well, class, we’ve said it before, at least I have, are you behaving submissively? There is a way to introduce something in a submissive manner or not.

And to introduce your wife, who always thought of you as a heterosexual male, into your bi-curious desires, you’re going to have to take small steps. If it comes up in natural conversation and discourse fine then maybe say something. 

Many BDSM couples schedule check in and negotiation time

Ms. Erika: A lot of the time the structure is good. So every Monday we have a negotiation time. We spend a couple hours talking about our week and what our expectations are going forward. And then when that coming together is done, then you go back to your roles of Mistress and submissive. The important thing is communication.

Ms. Olivia:  It’s okay to say something like, what do you think  about making me do this? And you ask what her opinion is versus I need you to make me suck cock. Do you see the difference? 

Ms. Erika: Oh yeah, I do. 

Ms. Olivia: Having been on the receiving end of both kinds of approaches, the “I demand you do this.” is way less inspiring (or effective) than the “What do you think of this?” way of phrasing.

Ms. Erika: You are absolutely right. Now, I really want to emphasize that we are not criticizing any of these sissies. We get it.

We’re trying to show you that there are a whole lot more steps between the “I want my wife to accept my femme dressing” to the “How do I get my wife to make me suck a cock and give me a sissygasm and punish me if I don’t do the chores.”

There are a lot of steps in between those two sentences.

Erotic humiliation and the sissy

Ms. Olivia: Let’s talk about erotic humiliation, which may be part of sissy’s fantasy. I’ll speak for myself. Erotic humiliation of someone you love or care about is really hard to do.

Ms. Erika:  Yes, absolutely. We’re all conditioned not to humiliate the ones that we love. Also humiliation is also specific to the person.

Ms. Olivia: It’s very nuanced, just like the feminization umbrella. 

Ms. Erika: We’re taught not to humiliate the ones we love. And it’s really hard to say, “Oh honey, I love you. And then turn around and go, you’re such a fucking whore, suck my dick. What kind of husband are you when you’re sucking a strap on? Oh, I know my sissy cocksucker.”

Those are not words that are easy to come by when you’re not used to it.

Ms. Olivia: And then what do you do when playtime is over and you have to go back to life. Now how are you reconnecting as a couple? These are all very difficult things and oof, it takes a while to build these skills and then continue learning.

It’s just like humiliation, think about when people first are humiliated, it’s very mild and very specific, and then it grows. You need to allow your partner to grow. 

Ms. Erika: That’s a good point. I hadn’t thought about that.

Ms. Olivia:  Even for us, as skilled and as experienced as we are, I think sissy play and being a sissy Mistress really is one of the most complicated kinds of relationships. That’s actually one of the reasons why we like it, right? 

Ms. Erika:  Absolutely. It is very complicated and very specific.

In my mind, I’m using an erotic tool to elicit the behavior and emotions I want from you.  After the session, you are not necessarily a worthless, cock sucking, sissy bitch. That is just what we’re playing with. 

Can your wife also be your Sissy Mistress?

Ms. Erika: Be patient.

Your job as a sissy girl might be to help your partner warm up and fall in love with the activities. Don’t let her flounder by herself; that won’t be fun for either of you. Help her and support her.

Also remember, your fantasies are quite different from reality. You need to be fluid like water, because the way she decides that she wants to dominate you may look different from your fantasy. Above all, enjoy the journey.

Ms. Olivia: Beautifully said. 

This particular episode was inspired by your questions, comments, stories, and experiences. So keep them coming.

Send us follow-up questions about this episode, and we will do another episode with your follow-up questions. 

Get in touch with the hosts of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast

Ms. Olivia:

 olivia@enchantrixempire.com

Twitter X:  @MistressOlivia1       

Blue Sky:  @MsOlivia   

Blog:  Experienced Mistress

Ms Erika:   

erika@enchantrixempire.com   

Twitter and Blue Sky:  @ErikaEnchantrix      

Blog:  Intelligent Phone Fantasy

FIND US ON DISCORD: LDWOlivia and LDWErika

Final thoughts and questions for listeners:

Ms. Olivia: I have a final thought. We understand some of the reasons why many a sissy wants her wife or her girlfriend to also be her Domme.

Now, if that doesn’t work out, or if you want to keep your life and your erotic life separate, compartmentalized, remember there is a huge value of going to a professional. You get it done right the first time, so you don’t have to be focused on her behavior. You can free your mind to focus on your enjoyment, your behavior, and you being the very best sissy you can be.

Ms. Erika:  I love that. Absolutely. My question or statement to our listeners is, if you’ve seen yourself in any of today’s comments, just like Olivia said, reach out.

If you haven’t come out to your partner yet, I want you to really consider this before you do it. By all means, reach out to a professional to discuss this if you need to.  Before you introduce this into your relationship, you have to be prepared that they may say, “Look, you can do this, but I’m not comfortable with it. Leave me out of it.” You will have to be okay with this. 

Now, there’s plenty of ways to explore your sissy side with us, even if it’s just to share your story. That’s what we’re here for. But before you come out, be prepared for that answer and be prepared to accept it and find a way to find balance in your  life. And that’s what we offer a lot of times, Olivia, balance.

Ms. Olivia: I’m a fan of compartmentalization. I mean, I’ve often said, “I’m not wearing my thigh high latex boots to the public market, strutting around.” No, everybody has compartmentalization in various aspects of their life and it’s fine. 

Ms. Erika:  Well, Olivia, this has been a fantastic podcast. I hope the listeners have enjoyed themselves.

I found this quote that I think really speaks volumes for this episode. 

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story within you. That’s from Maya Angelou. 

Ms. Olivia:  Dr. Angelou is my absolute favorite author. And that is a great quote. That really is. Thank you for finding that.

Ms. Erika: We are such a good team. 

Ms. Olivia Yeah, we are. And listeners, we include you as part of the team. So get in touch. Tell us what you need. Tell us what you want.

Don’t send us three pages of sissy rules. But actually, we might do a podcast just on the rules. So if you want some rules, send us some rules.

That is all the time we have. Now remember, sissies, don’t get your panties in a wad. Come to Mistress. We will put you in your place. 

That’s it for now, girly girls. Thanks for joining us and we will see you next week for The Weekly Hot Spot. 

Bye!