Welcome to the holiday season with this post entitled Seasons Beatings where it’s all about BDSM impact play. Are you a fan of spanking, flogging, caning and other implements to give you a tingly red butt? This is the transcript of this BDSM podcast episode. If you want to listen to the podcast and check out all the episodes, here’s the Spreaker link to The Weekly Hot Spot podcast.
Ms. Olivia: Welcome to The Weekly Hot Spot. Kink conversation, BDSM advice and insight from the worlds of distance domination and phone sex. I’m Mistress Olivia and I’m here with the delightful, sexy, and fucking hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot Miss Erika.
Hey, Erika.
Ms. Erika: Hey, Miss Olivia. I’ve missed you.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, God, I’ve missed you, too. And I’ve missed everybody. In the words of one of the greatest philosophers of our time, Madonna, from the song Hanky Panky, “Nothing like a good spanky.”
Are you familiar with that song? Do you know it?
Talking about BDSM impact play
Ms. Erika: “I don’t wanna cry, I just wanna hanky panky.” Yes, I know that song. The thing about it is it is so retro. It’s like from the swing era. It grabs you in and then you hear the message. “My baby does the hanky panky.” It’s not the same song. I did a little bit of research and it is Madonna’s Hanky Panky that has nothing to do with the 1960s era ancient song of “My baby does the Hanky Panky.” For those who are not familiar, Google it.
Ms. Olivia: I want to say, wasn’t she in a retro movie?
I was listening to a podcast recently and I can’t even remember who the podcaster was… oh, oh, oh. “60s Songs that Explain the 90s.” That was the podcast.
He was talking about Madonna and he was talking about “Vogue” and he mentioned the “Hanky Panky” song and said she did it for the movie Dick Tracy.
Ms. Erika: I was going to say Dick Tracy. I have a horrible memory for movies, but for some reason, I was getting the image of Dick Tracy.
Laughing about dicks
Ms. Olivia: That’s because we do have quite a memory for dicks. Just sayin’.
Ms. Erika: Never met a dick I didn’t like.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, I have.
Ms. Erika: There’s always something to do with a dick even if it’s worthless.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, that’s absolutely true. They might be valuable, they may or may not be very attractive or adorable at all.
Ms. Erika: There’s a reason they call it “Bumpin’ Uglies.”
Bad Boys Get Spanked
Ms. Olivia: I was also Googling songs about spanking. I am a big fan of Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders song, “Bad Boys Get Spanked.”
It has a bullwhip sound in it.
Ms. Erika: Oh, I know. My nipples just got hard. Fuck. I love that whip sound.
Ms. Olivia: So I’ve got to ask: Have you ever tried to use a bullwhip?
Ms. Erika: Yes and no.
I used to work with horses and that’s not to say I ever whipped a horse, but you’re around that type of thing, crops and stuff.
A little bit about me. I had carpal tunnel years ago. I don’t anymore because I had the surgery.
But (using a bullwhip) really does require a lot of wrist action and I’ve never really been adept at that. Give me a cane, give me a paddle, give me a crop. I’ve just never put the effort in and maybe somebody out there will inspire me to put that effort into really learning it.
When we are talking about impact play, it’s supposed to be, for lack of a better term, fun. I know a lot of people are going to say, “What? Are you out of your fucking mind?” But the pain and the impact that we exert is quite measured. We are in control of that.
I just feel a little out of control with whips. I use floggers for fun more. Again, it’s that unknown factor that I’ve never developed, the wrist and the swing for the whip. What about you?
Ms. Olivia: I tried.
I was at a fetish party and they were doing bullwhip demonstrations, cat o’nine tails demonstration. It sounds impressive, it really does. And it looks amazing.
They said, “Here, why don’t you try it?”
I said, “Okay.” Now, if you don’t do it exactly right, that tail can snag on your skin.
Ms. Erika: Yes.
Ms. Olivia: I snagged my arm. I snagged my thigh. I snagged the queening chair. I almost wrenched my arm clean out of its socket.
I said fuck this. I’m sticking with floggers.
BDSM impact play: Flogging by Mistress
Ms. Erika: That’s pretty much where I am as well. We like control.
Ms. Olivia: I hit the queening chair or my body. I like stripes on a submissive. On me? No. I don’t even like tan lines.
For people who don’t get it, impact play is way more than whips or spanking.
Let’s all start out with the same information. When we are talking about kink play and say, “impact play,” what exactly is that? What is the definition?
Ms. Erika: Great question. I found, if anybody wants to look further into it, a great little clip that summarizes BDSM impact play on Wikipedia.
“Impact play is a human sexual practice in which one person is struck, usually repeatedly, by another person for the gratification of either or both parties, which may or may not be sexual in nature. It is considered a form of BDSM.”
Ms. Olivia: You have the spank-er and the spank-ee.
Ms. Erika: Correct. The person who is impacted and the person who applies the impact.
That’s not to be confused with sensation play, which can include impact play. But sensation play often includes other types of erotic sensations besides impact.
I want to know your thoughts, but I find when most people that are not kink-minded or into BDSM or Femdom, when they see or hear about impact play, that’s what they deem as classic BDSM. That is the classic, stereotypical view of a Dominatrix.
Ms. Olivia: I think you are absolutely right.
Before I was exposed to the BDSM community, I thought, “Fuck. Why would somebody want to hit somebody?” I mean, I rescue worms that are stranded on my driveway after a big rain. I don’t like to hurt things.
Then when I started getting into it, I really had to come to grips with why I liked inflicting pain. Because I do. I can get really fucking rough with everything, except, obviously, as we have learned, but the bullwhip.
I think the black latex, the stiletto heels, all of that is super hot. But the spanking? It was more than that. It is some of it. Just like the outfit is some of it.
Ms. Erika: I am similar to you. I am a champion of the vulnerable. Animals are always at our mercy. We’re supposed to be at the top of the food chain. So those who are vulnerable are at our mercy and no, I don’t want to inflict any pain.
I don’t know about you, Olivia, but I have not met one man who is helpless. So that gives me permission.
Ms. Olivia: I have, but he ended up helpless because he was tied spread eagle on a St. Andrew’s Cross. He was wearing a ball stretcher. I have met some men, but generally it’s because I have made them helpless.
Ms. Erika: My point: I like to make them helpless. Absolutely. Woo hoo!
I’m all riled up today. Can you tell?
Ms. Olivia: I can. I love that.
So what’s the deal about impact play? It causes emotional stuff, for sure. But let’s start with the biology of it.
Ms. Erika: The biology and the psychology of it are closely related.
Here’s a warning. Those of you who are not sapiosexual who don’t enjoy the mumbo jumbo, might want to get a drink. But keep listening.
Ms. Olivia: You’re a nerd. I love you. From one nerd to another. We are nerds. We are both sexy librarians.
Ms. Erika: I like to know why.
Ms. Olivia: Sexy librarians with canes who will tell you to shut up. We will take you in back of the stacks and we will teach you a lesson.
Listen up, boys and girls.
Neurobiology of sadomasochism
Ms. Erika: The psychology of sadomasochism can be defined as taking pleasure, often of a sexual nature, from inflicting or suffering pain, suffering or humiliation.
That’s the physical aspect of it. In these physical aspects, there are things that happen in our minds, our bodies, and our hormones when we have pain inflicted upon us.
I found a great article if our listeners want to read it. I am going to take a little snippet out. It’s from Psychology Today. It’s from David J Linden Ph.D. in “The Neurobiology of BDSM Sexual Practice.”
He says, “Can we say dopamine? Dopamine is our friend.”
He goes on to say, “When neurons in a brain region called the ventral tegmental area become electrically active, thereby triggering the release of dopamine in a structure called the nucleus accumbens, this evokes the feeling of pleasure from both our vices (eating food when hungry, having an orgasm, drinking alcohol) and our virtues (meditation, learning, giving to charity).”
I’m not going to remember all those big words, but what I take away from this is it’s a special little part of your brain that releases sexy juice and makes you submit.
Ms. Olivia: The flip side of that for us as Femdoms, wielding the implements, we also get that sexy juice. It’s also chemical. All of this is in the reward system.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m a fan of sensation play. As part of that, I like being flogged. I don’t like caning. I like thuddy more. We’ll talk more about thuddy versus stingy later, but I get a different reward dump when I’m on the receiving end versus Domme space when I am on the giving end.
Domme space and sub space
Ms. Erika: That’s important for anybody who’s looking into being a submissive. We have a yin yang to their submissive subspace. We have what is known as our Domme space.
It’s very interesting that you mention that you like flogging. I don’t necessarily care for impact play myself. I don’t mind a nice hard slap in the throes of passionate love, but to subject myself to that, I haven’t yet.
He goes on to say that from different experiments, that “protracted physical pain and (or) emotional pain…” like humiliation we’ve talked about before, “can cause the release of endorphins which are our body’s own morphine-like molecules and that these endorphins can activate dopamine.”
It’s sexy juice. I just put it all in one moniker.
If you ever do a session with me, I’m going to say, “Let’s go release that sexy juice.” I don’t mean your dick juice. I mean your hormones.
Ms. Olivia: It really is a cascade of chemicals.That cascade can be triggered as a physical response that’s happening in real time.
It can also be triggered in a very powerful way or by watching it.
For example, they have done neurobiology studies of people watching holographic entertainers on a screen. Physically, they are interacting with that person as if they were talking to that person.
On the phone, I can, not with everybody, but with some, I can get into a Domme space that is as good or better than a lot of my in-person play.
Ms. Erika: I agree with you.
Ms. Olivia: It depends on the person.
Ms. Erika: It always depends on a lot of factors. If you really have that connection or the play is very stimulating to you, I find that I vacillate, much like our clients do.
Some days I’m more sensual. Some days I feel more Dominant or a little bit more strict.
So if the stars align perfectly, it’s a fantastic experience.
Questions about Mistress style
Ms. Olivia: You bring up a really good point. I get asked this all the time and I know you get asked this all the time: “Mistress what is your Mistress style? Sensuous, strict, a combo?”
What do you say when someone asks you that?
Ms. Erika: I am, by nature, sensual.
Ms. Olivia: Yes, you are.
Ms. Erika: However, I learned I have a little Sadistic side in me and I do enjoy being strict. Sometimes it’s a shock to me afterwards, after I come down from that space. “Oh, my. That was really severe and I really fucking liked it.”
Ms. Olivia: Wow.
It’s like a mind fuck. I don’t beat myself up over it. I don’t ask, “What’s wrong with you, Erika? You must be some kind of psycho.” No, I understand.
Ms. Olivia: Really? I did. I’m not kidding. The first couple of times, I realized there are depths in me that I had no idea were there.
Ms. Erika: That “No mercy” thing? That’s the one thing that really keeps me from Domme space a lot in session. I know if I go there, I have no qualms about exacting no mercy.
“That slap wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t direct. Do 50 over again. Now. I’ll make you do it all over again.”
Each one of those slaps, thwaps, whatever implement you’re using has to be to my standard.
Ms. Olivia: You bring up a really good point.
When you said, “No mercy,” mercy is in the context of safe, sane, and consensual?
Safe words in BDSM pain play
Ms. Erika: Yes.
Ms. Olivia: And a safeword.
Ms. Erika: Yes.
Ms. Olivia: A safeword, think of stop lights: green is go, yellow… well, maybe you put the brakes on, maybe you don’t, or you go dashing through. I’m a dashing-through-the-yellow kind of person. Red is stop.
Everybody comes up with a really cool safeword. Instead of ”Red! Red! Red!” they come up with “Batman 66.” That’s fantastic when I’m wearing a catsuit.
You can do a no-mercy scene with a safe word with the safety limits established before the scene.
I have a question for you. Do you ever play with someone who doesn’t want to use a safe word?
Ms. Erika: Yes. I’m telling you right now, it inhibits me.
People, listen. What Olivia just said is extremely important. If you are engaging in impact play, and many other forms of Femdom play, but probably impact play is the most important. If you do not have that negotiation ahead of time… I like paddles and floggers, I do not like canes and whips… this is a negotiation you do with your Mistress ahead of time.
If your Mistress does not agree on a safeword, do not do the session. I don’t care how horny you are. This person does not have your best interest at heart. They may be a true psychotic Sadist.
We always play under those rules.
For that one pet who said, “I want to play with no mercy and no safe word,” I said, “Great. So your safeword is ‘No Mercy.’”
It inhibits me because I’m still thinking in the back of my head to keep them safe. Without it, I’m not going to push you as far as I could. It’s just a natural psychological reaction. If I can trust that you will communicate with me and tell me when I’m going too far or tell me you need a break with yellow, that’s my boundary. Without that, that’s nerve-wracking for me. I can’t let go.
Ms. Olivia: It’s not sexy.
This caller you have, the no-mercy caller, you have been talking to him for a long time. You know this person. It’s a little bit different when it’s a long-term, multi-faceted relationship, an established relationship.
I have two quick stories. One is an in-person play story.
BDSM negotiation and kink communication
Ms. Olivia: This person loves flogging, loves paddling, and loves the bite of the cane a little bit. We had established safe words, all that kind of stuff. I kept going and going and I thought, “Wow, he’s really taking a lot today.” The energy was swirling and I looked and he was sobbing and not the “funishment” kind of BDSM kind of sobbing.
I stopped the session and when we were in aftercare, he was crying and crying. I asked him, “Is this a good release of emotion?” He said, “I wanted to give you whatever you wanted.” I said, “Okay, that’s not fun.”
BDSM and kink is a dance between two people. If you’re going to offer yourself up just to have the shit beat out of you, go be in a cage match.
Distance domination and self spanking
Ms. Olivia: Then, on the phone when I was directing a spanking. With this particular pet, we were in a Skype session and he kept going. I was shouting, “Stop!” and he heard me, but kept going.
Afterwards, he said the same thing. “I wanted to give you…” and I said, “Fuck you! You took over the session. If you want to do whatever you want to do, go do it, but you can do it without me.” I was pissed.
Then he was acting like he was the victim and I said, “No, Sparky. You are not. I am direct. I communicated. You just went off into this nether region. Not good.”
I won’t play with someone who won’t do a safe word. I tell them, “Okay, I’m not the Mistress for you.”
Ms. Erika: This was somebody I knew briefly over the phone. Again, if you want this to be enjoyable for both of us, we have to set those boundaries up so we can enjoy ourselves. Without boundaries, we’re not going to enjoy ourselves more.
If you want to give us what we want, then obey and set those boundaries. Use a safe word. A safe word is not a failure. A safe word is communication with your Mistress, a segue to communicate with your Mistress.
“Let’s analyze those last five slaps. The last one was heavier and harder. I didn’t like that.”
That breaks the whole flow. But the yellow, the red, the communicating without breaking the flow of the session and my trusting you’re going to use it if you need to, that is what is good.
Trust between BDSM Femdom and submissive
Ms. Olivia: It’s all about trust. Trust and communication. We did a podcast titled: What Every Submissive Man Need to Know about communicating with a Femdom Mistress.
Let’s talk about specifics.
We’re talking about spanking. Obviously it’s on the ass, but some people do spank on the tops of the thighs. I’m not a fan of swatting on the thighs. I am a big fan of the apple part of the ass.
Then for flogging, that’s shoulders, then also ass. (whip sound)
Ms. Erika: I do need to raise my hand. I do love swatting, no floggers, on the soft part of the inner thigh.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, I forgot about that. You’re absolutely right. What do you use? A little tiny flogger?
Ms. Erika: I do have some implements with me that we’ll play with a little bit, but basically my hand, paddle, spoon, something I can control well because if CBT isn’t on the table, we’re going to make sure the little Jimmy Jims are out of the way. It all is more for the psychological aspect of it. It is such a freakin’ vulnerable area.
Even if the pet trusts, because we’ve prepared and put the Jim Jims away, if he trusts that I’m not going to hurt him there, if that’s part of the negotiation and boundaries, there is always trepidation because it’s so close to the family jewels.
I think I like it with the paddle, hand, a leather strap, a lot better for the psychology of it versus the actual impact or the visual of it.
Edge play and BDSM
Ms. Olivia: That’s the whole thing about risk play. If you’re engaging in risk play and you’re got that trust and that communication, both of you really are on that edge.
Edge play, risk play, that’s what that is and it’s so much fun. It’s like getting into extreme sports, extreme hiking, adventure travel. There’s a reason hang gliding is tons of fun; it’s risky. But it’s degrees of risk.
Ms. Erika: Controlled risk.
Ms. Olivia: Well said, controlled risk.
Other parts of the bodies, above the ass… nipples.
Ms. Erika: Nipples, nipples, nipples. Oh, I love nipples. Getting them ready by tweaking and rubbing and maybe scratching, just to get them nice and hard.
Traditionally, men don’t have very in-your-face nipples like girls do.
But those that have that little hard nipple, straight down with the nice leather catching just the tip of it… oh, that’s very stingy. I like that.
Ms. Olivia: Do you like face slapping?
Ms. Erika: In a scene.
Think about it. Slapping somebody in the face, you’re looking straight at them. I have done it with my hand and it’s got to be the most intimate of impact. Don’t you think?
Ms. Olivia: Oh, yes.
Ms. Erika: There’s something about looking at somebody’s ass or back, having them over your lap for an over-the-knee spanking, face slapping pulls you away one degree. When you’re looking at them and taking your hand or taking a Bitch Paddle… and I don’t mean a wooden Bitch Paddle, I mean a leather Bitch Paddle… and face slapping, it’s much more intimate. Even more than CBT.
Don’t you think? You’re looking at somebody’s soul. You’re looking into somebody’s eyes.
CBT
Ms. Olivia: Well, it depends on how you’re doing CBT.
If he’s strung up on St. Andrew’s Cross, or even laying in bed, but especially strung up on the cross, I can wear a pair of vampire gloves. That’s a leather glove with little tines in it. I have a modified pair so the tines are not sharpened, filed down. They are sharp, but not needle sharp.
Lightly slapping those balls, while looking directly in the eyes while standing in front of the pet, or gripping the cock and squeezing, mmm. Gently squeeze, release. Squeeze, release.
I’m going to tell on myself. I did a tiny little swat with the vampire glove right at the head of the cock and that was not good. He screamed. I thought, “Oh, that’s not good.”
Ms. Erika: Red, red, red. Please, red.
Ms. Olivia: That sensation was too stingy, too intense.
That brings us to types of sensations: thuddy versus stingy. I mentioned that I like thuddy.
Flogging is thuddy. You mentioned over-the-knee spanking, if you keep your hand flat, that’s deep tissue stimulation and is very penetrative,
Stingy is more shallow and sharp: A cane, a hairbrush, a wooden paddle.
Do you have a particular preference, thuddy or stingy?
Ms. Erika: I don’t have a preference, but I enjoy and appreciate the differences.
I’m so glad you brought this up because I teased before, and I hope somebody’s got a little tingly dickie out there, when I mentioned I have some implements here.
Ms. Olivia: You gave me a tingle. I don’t have a dick, but you gave me a tingle.
Erika brought toys.
Ms. Erika: This is for do-it-yourself as well. You don’t have to go to your local BDSM shop or go to Amazon and order some things.
I do have my little Bitch Paddle. I’ve posted about it before. It’s a two-piece leather paddle. The top has the word Bitch engraved in it backwards, or stenciled into it. If you slap it hard, the word “Bitch” will welt up on the ass.
For the listeners, this is the Bitch Paddle. It’s a two-piece leather paddle. (slapping sound) That’s just on my hand.
Ms. Olivia: That’s also called a slapper. The slapper is super-super fun because it’s a double whack. The lower part of the slapper, the leather connects with the top part and it’s almost like harmony. Very close harmony, like in music.
Ms. Erika: I’m also standing up, but the reason I like that is because hitting my hand is not going to work today. I’m standing up so I can slap my belly because it replicates more of the ass.
One reason I like this is because you can do a nice hard thud. Or you can do it really stingy when you touch with just the edge of the paddle.
Now that’s something you can buy online, but you have things at home you can play with. I have a plastic spatula with holes in it.
Bare bottom spanking for kink play
Ms. Olivia: That’s wicked.
Ms. Erika: I like the holes because they do really nice welts.
If you listen now, I will slap my belly. (sound of slapping) That’s really thuddy, isn’t it? Well, my stomach is well-toned, but probably not as much as some asses out there.
Then there is the silicone spatula. If I really mean to inflict a lot of pain, I’m going to use the silicone spatula because it’s painful. (sound of slapping)
Do you hear that? Ooo.
Ms. Olivia: Yes!
Ms. Erika: “Again, slut!” (slapping sound) Ow. I’m really hurting myself.
Anybody want to come kiss my belly? It’s got a little red mark.
Then, of course, you have the belt. A belt folded over is a little bit more like a whip where you can’t control the end so much if you don’t have a good wrist. I like to fold it over twice.
I’m going to do my arm first so our listeners can listen. (slapping sound)
I don’t know. I’ve never spanked myself. (spanking several times) Now that’s good. (thick sound).
DIY spanking implements
Ms. Olivia: It takes some coordination, but it’s very easy to do.
One thing for spanking that I absolutely love is a long paint stirrer from the Domme Depot, otherwise known as Home Depot or Lowe’s. The long paint stirrer is a little bit flexible. You can put it behind your back, then flick your wrist up and spank the shelf on the ass.
Here’s the thing. At first they think, “She doesn’t know what she’s doing. This doesn’t even hurt.” Anyone who thinks that doesn’t think that for very long.
With sensation play, especially impact play, things build up. Maybe the first sensation was startling or was not a big deal, but then it gets more and more intense. As the intensity increases, it can be increased from more power or more time, either one.
Ms. Erika: That’s exactly what was happening to me here, everyone. The first couple of slaps with the Bitch Paddle or the spatula, no big deal. Then I gave myself a good whack and it did build up. Your nerves start to come alive and receive that pain even more.
Remember before when I said, “Repeatedly?” There’s a reason I said we needed to do it repeatedly.
Ms. Olivia: You also mentioned this and we glossed over it, but I want to pull it out and mention it again.
It’s not either/or. Great kink play, great BDSM play, you’re playing with the gray parts. It’s gradations of things.
Say you’re going from level one to level 10 with flogging. You don’t start at level 10, beat the shit out of someone for 10 seconds and then stop. That’s not fun.
You build up to it and then you come down. You build up a little bit further and then you come down. It’s gradations.
What’s really fun is getting someone to the point where they are struggling and then you back off. I am sensual and strict and Sadistic. I like to combine all of that.
I had someone chained to the ceiling and was standing next to him and my arms were wrapped around him and I was paddling that ass to beat the band. Right before he tipped over into too far, I walked around front, cupped his balls and put my lips on his cock and started sucking just on his cock head.
Then I went around and started spanking some more.
It was the layering of, “Oh, my God. That felt so good. Ow, ow, ow! That’s stingy. That’s thuddy!”
Ms. Erika: That rollercoaster of sensations.
Ms. Olivia: It becomes a tie-dye swirl of sensations.
Anyone who says, ”She’s not a real Mistress. She was sucking his dick.” Fuck you.
Ms. Erika: I’m on board. I’m a fucking Mistress. If I want to suck a dick, I’m sucking a dick. Ya hear?
Ms. Olivia: Thank you.
More CBT: cock and ball torment
Ms. Olivia: Speaking of dick, let’s talk about CBT. Cock and Ball Torment. It can be cock slapping. It could be warm-up to really intense CBT. Slapping the cock, slapping the balls.
You can tell from what I was talking about, I like tying people up when I’m doing impact play or pain play. Even when somebody’s getting an over-the-knee spanking from me, my arm is wrapped around their waist. They are snug against my body and I’m holding them in position. I like to be in control.
Ms. Erika: What? I wouldn’t have thought that.
Ms. Olivia: I know. Shocking right? How did that happen? Who is she?
I have furniture in my upstairs attic play space and I recently got a CBT chair. It’s kind of like a normal chair, but you can open it up. The seat opens up.
You tie him up. He’s naked, obviously. Nice and vulnerable.
You know that tiny flogger? It’s maybe six-inches? Or you can use the one that you put on a keychain that is just a gag gift. You swat swat swat swat. Then use a feather tickler, then swat swat swat swat. Then run over those balls with a silver ball tickler. It’s rough, bumpy, kind of smooth, but with a bumpy sensation.
I like it best with a range of sensations so when the intense cruelty comes, it’s startling.
Ms. Erika: It takes your breath away.
Ms. Olivia: What do you like about CBT sessions? How do you talk to guys who come to you and say, “Oh, Mistress, I’m here for CBT.” What do you do?
Ms. Erika: Quite different from smacking the ass or flogging the back, we know that is the most vulnerable and sensitive part of a male. It’s also men’s greatest pride and joy and also their biggest insecurity at the same time, even in men who are worried about their dick and their dick sizes. For good reason.
Ms. Olivia: That’s true. Average is five or six, as we have said in multiple podcasts, a guy will say, “It needs to be six… or seven.”
Ms. Erika: “It needs to be six.”
Ms. Olivia: “Nine is too big.”
Sorry guys, we’re just being real. If any woman tells you that a four or five-inch penis that is thin… “Oh, baby. It feels so good.” She wants to marry you because she thinks you’re going to be a good provider. She’s either going to take care of herself later or she’s going to make you go down on her and lick her to an orgasm. That’s the reality.
Ms. Erika: With that said, there is a small sect of women who have un-ordinarily small vaginas.
Ms. Olivia: I’m not one of those.
Ms. Erika: I’m not one of them, either. I don’t have a cavern, but I do need some decent material to work with, boys.
So what do I say about CBT?
First of all, because it is potentially disastrous if it goes wrong, I like to find out their experience with it. Because we are doing long-distance Domination and I’m not really there, there are a lot of different checks you have to go through.
If we connect on Skype it’s a little bit easier because I don’t have to be so worried about your safety. It is possible for you to get so carried away that you do inflict pain.
In person, I feel a bit more comfortable because I can see what’s going on. I can communicate with you through your body language… stiffening up or a twitch.
I do like to do it gradually, even more so than paddling.
With paddling, I might do a couple of light swats, then run my fingers orver, do another couple of light swats and build up to some nice hard swats.
CBT is similar in that you need to build up. Holding the flaccid penis, if you can get it flaccid in front of me…
Ms. Olivia: I was going to say, “That’s not happening.”
Ms. Erika: There is a reason I do like older guys because I get to bring them… even though they are sexually interested and excited… oftentimes they need a little bit more stimulation as they get older, to achieve a full erection. That’s one reason I gravitate towards older guys because they give me that visual.
Holding it in your hand, squeezing it, opening it up, giving it a few taps and seeing how they react.
Online Mistress or long distance domination
Ms. Erika: Again, with long-distance, it’s check in, check in, check in. “How are you doing? How are you feeling? What’s the color?” And go from there.
Ms. Olivia: I love that you are talking about long-distance. There are things we can do that we translate it to over the phone.
Here’s the thing. Some CBT sessions are all in the mind. He’s not doing it in reality. The story and the scene is such that he is living it.
The great thing about mental fantasies, there’s no physical damage.
Ms. Erika: I love that. Guys, if you are calling us and have a fantasy of it, but you’re not playing what I call the home game, you’re not actually doing it at home, please tell us. You’re not going to ruin the fun.
Ms. Olivia: Oh, I do that. I ask, “Are you actually going to be doing this?” If they say, “No, no, no. I have these implements.” Then I have this checklist: “Have you done this before? Have you done this on the phone before? Have you done this with one of the LDW Mistresses? Which Mistress?”
I don’t know everyone, but of the women I know, there are some that I think, “Oh, yes. Anything she approves of, I know is going to be safe and within my boundaries.”
Then I ask, “Have you played in person? Have you done this with a Pro Domme? Have you done this with a fetish group? What have you done? What is your experience?”
Men with a hard dick… I’m just going to say it… they can get stupid.
Ms. Erika: Not “they can.” They are. You are stupid, guys. How many guys a year do we find stuck in the fucking pool fence or whatever?
Ms. Olivia: Oh, my God. This was years and years ago and he called LDW and wanted one of us to tell him to put his dick in the car door and slam the car door. Well no, motherfucker.
I had a guy who called and wanted me to do sounding and wanted to pour habanero sauce in his urethra.
Ms. Erika: No!
Ms. Olivia: I’m like, “No. You will end up in the hospital.”
I love sounding though. I can get fucking rough, in a safe way!
Part of it is how experienced the other person is.
I play with this one guy and it gets bad rough. I’m not kidding. I’ll use a ball stretcher. There’s slapping. A spiked chastity cage with screw in spikes that get further and further in. Some intense stuff. But he’s experienced and we both know what he is doing. I trust him. I don’t trust civilians.
Ms. Erika: You make a good point.
Fantasy BDSM impact play
Ms. Erika: What I want to tell guys is they have a misconception that if they are not actually doing it that it’s somehow less than or not as valued in our eyes.
I’m going to put this out there now, I need to know for the mere fact that you are not lying. Do not lie to me. If you’re just running a fantasy about CBT with me, I love it. I will get more sadistic if I know I am fucking with your mind and not fucking with the family jewels.
I will adapt that no-mercy, squishing under my stiletto, piercing those balls into the play. Like you said, Olivia, if they’re really going to do it, that’s different. In fantasy, we might put the Icy Hot or the habanero sauce in, but not in reality.
Ultimately, we want to keep you safe. But I understand the impact and the thrill of a fantastic fantasy dealing with the same subject.
Ms. Olivia: In terms of pleasure, I don’t distinguish fantasy versus whether he’s actually doing it or whether I am looking at it. Yes, it’s very similar.
Ms. Erika: Yes!
Ms. Olivia: When I’m weaving a fantasy, I lay down on the daybed in my office or I’m on the couch downstairs. I shut my eyes. I often have a blanket over me. I get completely engrossed. My mind runs the movie of what we are talking about. I am seeing the movie.
Ms. Erika: Yes, yes.
Ms. Olivia: We’ve talked about the chemical cascade earlier in the podcast. When I’m seeing the movie, I’m experiencing this like it is in real life. I’m experiencing it.
Ms. Erika: I do very similar things depending on the situation.
Creating BDSM roleplay scenes for Femdom phone sex
Ms. Erika: A lot of times, I sit back in my chair or I have a little chaise lounge I’ll lay back on and I have images come to me. I wouldn’t necessarily say in a movie, but images of what I want to happen or what I am doing with you. I describe those images and then those images then progress.
Conversely, other times, depending on the scene, I am standing in my office, walking around in my office. If I tell you, in the fantasy, that my hands are on my hips, my hands are really on my hips. It helps me feel and get into it. So if I’m standing over you with my legs spread, having you orally worshiping me, I’m probably standing in my office doing that right then and there. It kind of brings me into it.
Ms. Olivia: I’ve got this mental image of you. Do you put the phone right between your thighs? Have you ever done that?
Okay, I’m going to take us on an excursion because that’s what I do.
Have you ever held the phone down and said, “Listen how wet I am,” and put the phone…
Ms. Erika: A little behind-the-scenes secret. I use a noise canceling microphone headset with my phone so I’m not sure how that would work. I would probably have to get my other phone and just on speakerphone or something because the noise canceling might not pick up what I do.
Ms. Olivia: I use a corded headset.The first time I did that, I put the mouthpiece on my pussy and rubbed it.
Ms. Erika: Do you have alcohol wipes in your office, girl? Do we need to talk about toy safety now?
Ms. Olivia: For every single call for the rest of the day…
Ms. Erika: I smell pussy!
Ms. Olivia: …that’s my pussy.
For some phone calls, well, for this one phone call, the guy asked, “Why are you laughing?” I said, “Well, I was rubbing my phone on my pussy. So we’re talking about baseball, but I’m thinking about my pussy.”
I can’t make this up. Yes, I occasionally have a blonde moment. Yes, I do. Oh, my God.
Ms. Erika: I love you. I fucking love you.
Ms. Olivia: Can’t make this shit up. We should go into comedy. Wouldn’t it be great?
Ms. Erika: The Mistress Minstrels, coming near you. “Wanna smell my phone?”
How to contact the Femdom Hosts of The Weekly Hot Spot podcast
Ms. Olivia: Get in touch with me and let me know if you want me to send you that headset, that corded phone.
My email is Olivia@EnchantrixEmpire.com.
My Twitter is @MistressOlivia1
And my blog is ExperiencedMistress.com.
Erika, how do they get in touch with you?
Ms. Erika:
My email is Erika@EnchantrixEmpire.com,
My Twitter is @ErikaEnchantrix,
And my blog is IntelligentPhoneFantasy.com.
Ms. Olivia: Folks, remember to subscribe, like and leave a review for The Weekly Hot Spot on Apple podcast or wherever you listen to us.
If you ever jack off to these podcasts, you better fucking leave a review.
Ms. Erika: That’s the least you can do.
Ms. Olivia: That is the least you can do. Exactly.
Questions for listeners & final thoughts
So final thoughts and questions?
I have a question.
Ms. Erika: Go ahead.
Ms. Olivia: Listeners, have you been a bad boy? Are you a naughty girl? Do you need a good spanking?
Ms. Erika: (whispering) Yes, you do.
Ms. Olivia: Yes you do.
Ms. Erika: You know, Ms. Olivia, you’re opening up my boundaries for so many things now. I don’t know. I think I might like to have a nice little over-the-knee spanking from you, darling.
Ms. Olivia: Now, we haven’t done it yet, but we have to pop your lesbian cherry.
Ms. Erika: Yes, you and Daphne.
My final thoughts. I forgot to thank the lovely Miss Maxie for this suggestion. She is a big fan of the podcast and when we were on a little bit of a hiatus, she said, “I’m missing my podcast, Mistress.” I said, “Why don’t you come up with some ideas for us?” This was one of Maxie’s ideas. So thank you, darling Maxie.
Ms. Olivia: Maxie, what a fabulous idea. Send us some new ideas, not just Maxie, but folks, if you’ve got a question, you’ve got a comment, if you want to know more about something, we’ve got some really good podcast ideas coming up. Keep the ideas coming.
Do you have a question for the audience? Ooo, maybe for Maxie.
Ms. Erika: I want to know if you’re into impact play. If you’re curious about it, but you’ve never taken any steps to do anything about it, I am here to answer any of your questions.
If you’re experienced in impact play, what is your favorite implement?
Ms. Olivia: What a great question.
Folks, put down all of the implements and wash your hands.
We just want to say thank you so much for listening to The Weekly Hot Spot. We are back and we are bad. We will see you next time.
Bye!
Ms. Erika: Bye
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